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 Review #4741133 |
| Hi Jacky  , This review was written on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones"  ! Disclaimer The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. What I liked:  What I loved the most about this flash fiction is how easy the narrative is. I can almost hear the three people interacting with one another. Their voices are clear and likeable. I like how there is humour within their words, inside the story. I can imagine the three people smiling and laughing as they chat. In fact, I did wonder whether this is based on a personal experience of yours? The characters come across as being authentic and real. That's why I wondered whether they are. I love the way Grampa and Gramma play in their interaction. This is clearly a story they have told before, and their delight in telling it again now is obvious. The joke about what was actually said when Grampa phoned to ask his future wife's friend if she thought he was in with a chance with Barbara, is great. The two grandparents tell the story between them, one interrupting the other as they go. It really is a lovely relationship, and it shines in this story. You have chosen the perfect title for this flash fiction. "Beginnings" really is about the beginning of this relationship, which has now been a thing for many, many years. Because of the way you show the light teasing of Barbara to her husband, it almost feels as though the relationship is new. It's fresh.Suggestions: I have a couple of punctuation suggestions. "Why don’t you tell her about it, you were there." - As this is a question, there should be a question mark at the end of it. I would change it to: "Why don’t you tell her about it? You were there." Also, there is this that I would change: "I called and asked Barbara if she thought her friend would go out with me, apparently, Gram ..." - I would place a period after "me" instead of a comma. Then start the next sentence with "Apparently, Gram ..." Parting comments: This is a lovely flash fiction about a relationship that is loving and playful, even after all these years. I really enjoyed this. Choconut    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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