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 Review #4741155 |
 |  | The Dark Cathedral  [ASR] Oh to hear the maddening screams  |
| (4.5)| Hi Fairport , This review was written on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" ! Disclaimer The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. What I liked:  I was drawn to the title in your poem. It sounds kind of spooky and definitely dark. Exactly the sort of poem I like to read. As I started to read the first verse, the natural rhythm began to build up. The abcb, defe, etc. rhyme scheme helps give a wonderful rhythm, and this, in turn, makes the poem read fluidly and smoothly. You have some internal rhymes, like the S sound in this line: "Its keeper’s heart holds strong delight," that make the poem an even richer experience for your readers. It sounds really good. When read aloud, in particular, it is very pleasing. I love the gothic feeling you have created through the lines. From the darkness that is darker than anything else, we are told of the souls who come to die in the cathedral grounds. Then, the second verse begins with, "On winds their maddening screams arrive." This place, rather than being the spiritual, calming cathedral one would like, is actually more of a place where tortured souls finally get to die. This idea of pain and suffering is the opposite of what we expect a cathedral to be. I love how you have turned that expectation on its head.Suggestions: I've read this through a couple of times now, and the last verse doesn't feel quite right in its rhythm. I'm sure you have the right number of syllables per line, but I think the stresses must be a little off. In the first line of the fourth verse the word "that" is the one that is wrong. When you compare this line, "Far beyond all that is good," to its counterpart in the first verse, I think you will see what I'm talking about: "Far beyond the given light." As I said, "that" isn't quite right. Parting comments: This is a great poem. I've read through a few of yours before writing this review, and I have to say, you're very talented. Happy Account Anniversary! Choconut   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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