GROUP

The Iron Bank of Braavos  (13+) For G.o.T. Activity #1994693 by Gaby

"Game of Thrones"  Hi! My name is Sandra. I am one of the sly foxes.          Title: Oh Henry          First Impression: The title caused me to think of many things, a chocolate bar, a former actor, and an admonishment from a wife. Huh, you wrote about the latter. Henry does indeed have a tolerant wife that laments his actions and complaints. I soon realized this piece is a flash fiction story and thus is limited to three-hundred words or less.          What needs your attention: Yes, you are hindered / limited to a certain number of words to relate your tale, but I am left confused. A story needs a setting, a character and action that relates to a telling. What is the intent behind this story? Where is the resolution? Did Henry have a conflict to resolve? I do not understand the final line. A stranger is looking for a 'girl' he hopes has seen his sheep. Am I missing something? Yes, you utilized the three prompt words, but I believe there's more to this tale. Also in these very short writings words need to be strong and intentional. There's still room to show more and try not to tell too much. In this line "upset by his wife's sarcasm" you could show /describe henry's 'upset.' What did he do? How did he react?          What part I liked best: I enjoyed your opening sentences and the word play/dialogue between the married couple. Bantering like this is realistic and believable. I chuckled at the wife's comeback. I've noticed people like this, squinting, and blaming the fine print.          Overall Impression: You started out strongly with the couple's conversation and the newspaper print size 'issue'. After that the story seems scattered, unanchored. Henry noticed two different people moving down the road. What other than their being in that location and ambling along caught his eye? Yes, the woman wore a "puffy white dress". What of it? Did it remind Henry of something, a bride perhaps?          Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure. What does the fox say???? Listen carefully. (2170 characters) DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.