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Review #4741267
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Review by Lornda Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: | (4.0)
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The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Hello, dragonwoman Author Icon


*Sun* You've done a good job at writing a story in 300 words! When I checked the genres, I thought that they were both highlighted nicely. I would only change 'Activity' because it's for someone hosting an activity on here. *Wink* I thought the scene was set nicely, and we get introduced to the main character and her friends. I liked how it built up to the surprise ending. Nice work!

*Sun* As for any feedback, I think some of the wording could've been cut down, like for instance the dialog tags. This would allow for more description of say, the weather or other things the girls noticed. Sometimes if you read it out loud, you'll notice the extra wording. *Wink*

*Sun* Overall, I really enjoyed reading this piece of flash fiction. I think the concept for it set-up the genres of 'Mystery' and 'Horror' really well. I could feel how afraid Cookies was as she felt something weird. The dialog not only moved the story a long at a good pace, but it also showed just how scared Cookies was feeling. It was also typical of this age group to not believe her either, so the tone of the dialog was perfect. After I finished reading it, I thought it would be great as a longer story. Keep us the great work!

*Swords* Lornda




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