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 Review #4741481 |
 | A letter to my brother  [E] Writing a letter to my brother who has departed.  |
| (5.0)| Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Greetings jayesandz !I am currently reviewing as part of the tasks set by the "Game of Thrones" . This review is part of the mystery tasks brought to us by The Raven "The Raven - 1" . Your poem appeared as I am cruising through the Read and Review section of this site. I enjoyed reading this lovely poem, hence, this review. In this review, I mainly focus on the positives of your piece and I may point some Areas for Improvement if found any. Without much a do, here are the things I noticed after delving deeper into the contents:Strengths Raw Emotion: The poem is deeply emotive, capturing a powerful mix of grief, regret, and enduring love for a lost brother. The speaker's pain is tangible in lines like "my heart is broken and my tears I can't hide." Simple yet Evocative Language: The language avoids complexity, and this directness allows the emotional core of the poem to shine through. The repetition of phrases like "I wish..." reinforces the sense of longing and unfulfilled desires. Themes of Reconciliation: The poem explores the wish for reconciliation and understanding that was tragically cut short. This gives it a universally relatable feel. Spiritual Hope: The ending provides a sense of hope. Despite the grief, there's an element of faith that they will be together again, offering a glimmer of solace. Areas for Improvement Rhythm and Flow: Some lines could be reworked for improved rhythmic flow. For example, "I want to make you proud, of the life I will make" could be smoother by rearranging to "I want to make you proud, the life I will make." Small changes like this can make the poem easier to read aloud. Imagery: You could integrate more vivid sensory imagery to deepen the impact. Describe a specific memory or object that reminds the speaker of their brother, something that evokes sound, sight, or smell. For example, instead of simply "memories weren't all that good," you could describe the smell of an old baseball glove that triggers both good and painful memories or any experiences you usually do with your brother. Varying Line Length: Experimenting with shorter and longer lines can add complexity to the poem's rhythm and structure. Overall Impression Your poem is an honest and heartfelt expression of grief and love. With minor refinements to flow and the addition of evocative details, it can become even more powerful. Your poem is a beautiful tribute to your brother and an exploration of complex emotions that many readers will connect with. Thank you for this wonderful piece. Write on! Best regards, Gervic    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 04/04/2024 @ 4:07pm EDT