"Game of Thrones"  "The Iron Bank of Braavos" 



Hi Jackiesmuse

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: John Bergeron's Daughter

First Impression: I didn't see that coming at all. Nice surprise twist with the two employees. Charles was concerned about his job when the daughter came on board but had no idea that the boss wanted his help instead to ditch his daughter.

What needs your attention: I didn't notice any grammar or punctuation errors. Kudos. I am wondering what the bold words? If it's for a prompt based story than it usually noted at the beginning or end so the reader knows it's a contest entry.

What part I liked best: John calling Charles into his office for a pretend reprimand was a surprising twist to the story. Prune juice coctails, eww. Ex-wives can be quite annoying. My husband's been divorced 21 years, and she still hounds him constantly.

Overall impression: I thought that was a clever plan to get the daughter to leave the real estate business owned by her father. I thought the pacing worked and the story unfolded nicely. Good Job! By the way welcome to WDC!

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .