"Game of Thrones"  "The Iron Bank of Braavos" 



Hi Jayesandz

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: A Letter to my brother

First Impression: I'm so sorry for your loss. Grief is never easy and reading your poem reminds me of the losses in my own life.

What needs your attention:

1.Days turn to night, at night I stay awake. It's redundant and takes away from the emotion. Try instead Day turn to night and I lie awake.

2. but who am I fooling? with you he gave me 40 years. I think the line would be stronger instead of with you lead with
At least, we did have forty years. The sentence ended with the question mark than the next beginning with a lowercase with doesn't work.

What part I liked best: I thought the frankness of the poem carried throughout. It's clear their were many emotions involved as you wrote this letter to your brother. I'm sure your brother wishes he had the opportunity to make amends for all the hurt s over the years. Unfortunately, the living are left with the guilt.

Overall impression: This was an emotional poem written for a brother I believe as part of the grieving process. I can relate to that because I've written a few myself.

May you find peace in your memories.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .