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 Review #4742160 |
 |  | Honouring James  [ASR] My personal enlightenment.  |
| (4.5)  This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" ! Hi sindbad .I'm JACE , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "Honouring James" . The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.  Overall Impression. Three nights ago, my wife and I finally watched a movie that had been recommended to me several years ago. It was called I Can Only Imagine, about the life of a young man named Bart Millard. He was inspired to write a song of the same title, which became an inspirational number 1 cross-over song. I teared up watching that movie ... much as I did with the ending of your offering. You wrote a truly inspirational piece. It gives me pause to realize just how my actions might impact another person. I can only hope and pray my actions lift someone up rather than tear him down. Your story also makes one think how jumping to conclusions about another can lead to unwanted, potentially negative life-changing consequences. What is perhaps the most astonishing thing about my writing this review presently is that I tend to listen to my Spotify Classical Music playlist while I'm writing. I can't write while listening to music with words. That very piece you mention--Mozart's Concerto No.21 in C Major--played while I was writing your review.  Editorial Thoughts. Your closing paragraphs would be so much stronger if you allowed the sentences to stand on their own merit. Don't let them carry on with excess phrases separated by commas. For example, you wrote:No, I have never had a prodigy, but that night I became a prodigy ......... of James. He was the teacher and I was the pupil, for he had taught me the meaning of perseverance and love and believing in yourself, and maybe even taking a chance on someone and you didn't know why. May I suggest something like: No, I have never had a prodigy ... but that night I became a prodigy of James. He was the teacher and I was his pupil. He taught me the meaning of perseverance, love and believing in yourself. He showed me that taking a chance on someone without knowing why is true growth.  Technical Considerations. This section relates to the mechanics of your writing. You have a missing carriage return after "curtain closer". A small word order error: Several weeks later I mailed a flyer recital to the students' homes. Several weeks later I mailed a recital flyer to the students' homes. Make these sentences stronger by separating them into two distinct sentences. Well, the recital went off without a hitch, the students had been practicing and it showed. Well, the recital went off without a hitch. The students had been practicing and it showed. One word change. Mozart 'demands' this in general, not just from James. his suspended chords that Mozart demands ... his the suspended chords that Mozart demands ... Favorite Part. Your short poem at the end.  My Rating. 4.5.  Thank you for sharing your offering.
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