Hi elisabeth ,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your item as part of the "Game of Thrones"  challenge.
Your Hook

This entry in your port caught my eye because of its title; clear and plain, the word 'Envious' broadcasts itself like a sinful tabloid.

Envious; that word reeks of judgment.

While your subtitle reveals that, in this case, you are judging yourself (harshly!) Yep, the title is definitely the 'hook'. I just had to press it, open and read.

Prose
You begin with the beautifully dark metaphors of poison, which pairs very nicely with the sinful state of envy left unchecked. Defiling your body. I liked how you broke the sentence into three lines, which paces the reader through the thought to fully appreciate it better.

Well-constructed free verse, without extraneous words, succinct and pithy.

You capture an ominous mood and cleverly use the passage of that poison to the fingertips, which you then transfer to the finale, a poetic simile. The Thorns.

I don't know why, but my mind was taken to the tumble of thorns that surrounded the captured (envied?) princess in her tower above. I suppose the thorns were reminiscent of Grimm's fairytale darkness. Ack, but that was just my own mental tangent!

Tale Highlight
'because I hate gently'
The incongruity of a gentle hatred is perfect in this instance, and the darkness in my own soul understands it.

My Recommendations

You chose 'womens' as one of your genres - ouch!
Surely Envious can relate to men also?
I'd love to see you swap that genre out for something unisex .

Overall

You leave the reader thinking about pulling out thorns, which is an unexpected, while very visual, ending.

I enjoyed reading and re-reading this poem multiple times; it is very thoughtful and captivating.


Thank you for sharing your work
Hope


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