GROUP

The Iron Bank of Braavos  (13+) For G.o.T. Activity #1994693 by Gaby

"Game of Thrones"  Hello fellow writer! My name is Sandra. I am one of the sly foxes. Title: Glory In Full Vision First Impression: Plagran is a different, unique name. Your title roused my curiosity and I was forced to read to the end to realize its meaning. That is a great ploy. Keep the reader hooked. Again, I was intrigued. Why did Plagran wish for another chance, "one more shot"? I understood he was referring to some sort of competition.What needs your attention: The sentence that begins with " he had always told his friends" should begin with a capital letter for 'he'. Sorry, I am confused. What would Plagran not wait to be told? I also confess to not understanding the scene at the coast with the sword. Perhaps you could elaborate add more explanation? What is the "simple thing", the "simple idea"? Sometimes, when we write we forget to flesh out the story. We know what we wish to write, but do we cut corners, or forget important details. This is worthy of an edit. The premise is here. What part I liked best: The name is growing on me. With the scene you painted, I can picture the fall from grace as it were the hero's sudden end to the initial 'clash'. A robotic steed is an interesting concept. May I suggest adding Plagran's feelings and reactions at this point? Powerful verbs create atmosphere and tension. Do not assume the reader will fill in the blanks. I like the idea of a contest, a joust, an event with spectators. How did those viewers react to this unfortunate event? His unattained victory would have become his glory.Overall Impression: This story has potential with an original name for the hero and the idea of a public dueling contest aka gladiators. I realize the constraints of The Writer's Cramp create a quick turn around. A story must be composed and entered in a twenty-four hour period. Editing is often sacrificed. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure. What does the fox say??? Listen carefully.(2068 characters) DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this of piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.