"Game of Thrones"  "The Iron Bank of Braavos" 



Hi Elizabeth,

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: The Journals of Mary Brownstone

First Impression: Elizabeth really likes long sentences. I wonder if anyone has suggested reading Save the Cat, Writes a Novel by Jessica Brody. It's a good read that helped me a lot with understanding pacing and how not to use long winded sentences which I noticed a lot of in this story.

What needs your attention: I'll use this sentence as an example of how easily you can change up your sentences.
I am not allowed an original thought in my head, and instead I am left clacking away at the typewriter to record Mr. Livingston's most interesting and original ideas.

I'm not allowed and original thought. Instead, I am left clacking away at the typewriter recording Mr. Livingstons's most interesting and original ideas.

It's not necessary to say in my head because we all know that's where our thoughts come from. We don't need the word and to bring us into the next sentence nor is it necessary to say to record, recording covers it.

What part I liked best: I reviewed earlier a story in ♥HOOves♥ port about cows. You should consider collaborating on a story together about cows taking over Memphis. Cows do tend to spook and I thought your description of their grazing all over the place was nicely done.

Overall impression: This reader remembers all to well when more men covered any news than women did. Women have come a long way from the times of your story. I'm glad Mary Brownstone took the initiative to write an article when the opportunity mooed her way.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .