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Review #4743244
Viewing a review of:
 THE CAMP OUT Open in new Window. [E]
Rewritten. It was to be the ending of a vacation hike. It became something much more.
by Nanapockets Author Icon
Review of THE CAMP OUT  Open in new Window.
Review by . . . Jeremy Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WRITING.COMmunity Service  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)


Hello Nanapockets Author Icon!

You are receiving this review of "THE CAMP OUTOpen in new Window. in connection with "Game of ThronesOpen in new Window. and "Anniversary ReviewsOpen in new Window.. Happy Account Anniversary! *Party*


*Gem* General Comments *Gem*


Overall, "THE CAMP OUTOpen in new Window. is a captivating story with a strong premise and compelling narrative. The plot is engaging, and the use of descriptive imagery helps to create a vivid and immersive reading experience.

By focusing on character development, pacing, and resolution, you can further enhance the impact of the story and create a more immersive reading experience for your audience. Keep honing your storytelling skills, and continue to experiment with different techniques to refine your craft. With further development of your characters and tightening of the pacing, the story could be even more impactful and memorable.

*Gem* Areas of Strength *Gem*


Plot:

*Bullet* The plot follows a group of friends on a hiking trip to an old silver mine. Trekking up the mountain, following the old railroad tracks, the anticipation builds as they search for a place to camp. When Sam discovers the mountain meadow, their excitement grows. The tension escalates as they settle in for the night, unaware of the danger lurking nearby. When they encounter a mysterious creature, it leads to a climactic confrontation. The resolution reveals the true nature of the creature, providing a twist ending that adds depth to the narrative.



Imagery and Use of Descriptions:


*Bullet* The story uses vivid descriptions to create a strong sense of place and atmosphere. The mountain meadow is depicted in rich detail—described as a "high mountain meadow" surrounded by a "tall forest" with a "bubbling stream snaking through the field of bright flowers." This imagery helps to establish the peacefulness and beauty of the setting, setting the stage for the contrast with the creature's appearance later in the story.

*Bullet* The use of sensory details helps to immerse the reader in the setting, making the meadow feel both familiar and otherworldly.


Characterization:

*Bullet* While the story focuses primarily on the events surrounding the creature encounter, there are glimpses of the characters' personalities and relationships. Each character has a distinct role within the group, with Howie as the group's leader, Sam as the cautious observer, Torrie as the supportive friend, and the narrator as the protagonist who experiences the most dramatic change.

*Bullet* The characters' personalities are revealed through their actions and dialogue. For example, Sam's cautious nature is shown when he first hears the strange sound in the bushes and immediately urges the group to hurry. Torrie's supportive nature is evident in her interactions with the narrator, where she smiles reassuringly and offers encouragement.


Dialogue:

*Bullet* The dialogue in the story is natural and serves to advance the plot and reveal aspects of the characters' personalities.

*Bullet* The conversations between the characters feel authentic, with each character having a unique voice.

*Bullet* The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and reactions to the events unfolding around them. For example, when the creature emerges from the bushes, Sam's scream for everyone to run heightens the tension and adds to the sense of urgency in the scene.


Pacing:

*Bullet* The pacing of the story is generally well-handled, with moments of tension and action balanced with quieter, more descriptive passages. The build-up to the creature encounter is gradual, creating a sense of anticipation, while the climax is intense and gripping.

*Bullet* The story effectively builds tension through its pacing, such as when the group first hears the strange sound in the bushes, and later when the creature emerges from the stream. The gradual reveal of the creature's appearance and behavior creates a sense of fear and unease, keeping the reader engaged.



*Gem* Areas of Improvement *Gem*


*Bullet* Consider adding more foreshadowing earlier in the story to hint at the existence of the creature to further build anticipation. Introduce subtle hints or rumors about strange occurrences in the area surrounding the Lucky Lady Silver Mine earlier in the story to foreshadow the creature's appearance. After the creature is revealed to be a human skeleton, provide a brief explanation or speculation from the characters about how it ended up in the meadow to satisfy the reader's curiosity.

*Bullet* Explore the characters' emotional reactions to the encounter with the creature in more depth. Show how the experience affects each character individually and how they come to terms with what they witnessed. Include a scene where the characters discuss their thoughts and feelings about the creature encounter after they have left the meadow. This can provide closure for the characters and add depth to their development.

*Bullet* Consider adding more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere of suspense, such as describing the sounds of the creature's movements and the reactions of the characters in more detail.

*Bullet* Integrate more dialogue and interactions between the characters to further reveal their personalities and dynamics. This can help readers connect more deeply with the characters and invest in their journey.

*Bullet* Expand on the descriptions of the meadow and the surrounding landscape to further enhance the sense of place and atmosphere. Use sensory details to bring the setting to life and evoke a stronger emotional response from the reader.

*Bullet* While the story focuses primarily on the events surrounding the creature encounter, there is room for further development of the characters. Consider exploring their backgrounds, motivations, and relationships to add depth and complexity to the narrative.

*Bullet* Consider trimming unnecessary details and focusing on key moments to keep the story moving.

*Bullet* Streamline the description of the group's preparations for camping and the initial exploration of the meadow to maintain the tension and focus on the creature encounter.

*Bullet* There are moments where the dialogue could be more dynamic and engaging, particularly during the climactic confrontation with the creature.


*Snow2*          *Swords*          *Snow4*          *Swords*          *Snow2*


Let your imagination run wild and set your creativity free.

We are the Free Folk.

We do not kneel.


The Free Folk image for G.o.T.


DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed within this review are the sole product of the reviewer. They do not necessarily reflect those of the group, activity and/or event in which they are affiliated. Any implementation of suggested edits is at the sole discretion of the piece's writer; they may be used when and where deemed necessary by the writer of the piece and/or disregarded in their entirety. The reviewer releases any and all rights and/or claims to those suggestive edits should they be utilized by the writer of the piece.


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