\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4743880
Review #4743880
Viewing a review of:
 The Clown Open in new Window. [13+]
Bullying is ugly and someone have it harder than others.
by jayesandz Author Icon
Review of The Clown  Open in new Window.
Review by Lornda Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Hello, jayesandz Author Icon!


*Sun* I enjoyed reading your poem! The topic is a about bullying, and the poem encompassed a lot of those feelings of worthlessness. I thought opening it with a deep question was a good way to start it off for a nice hook. There's no doubt that everyone who reads it will feel the terrible pain that goes a long with bullying. Good work on the emotional aspects of the poem. *Stary*

*Sun* I thought the rhyming was done well, and it was interesting to read two different forms of poetry in one topic. I think it worked in well with the story being told. As far as feedback, I have a couple of suggestions, but it's totally up to you if you want to edit it.

The punctuation in spots slowed the reading down, and it wouldn't take much to fix them up. For instance: Introduced as The Clown, They'd learn to be ashamed. *Pointright* I think after Clown should be a period, and the next stanza needs a capital letter because it ends with a period. The last line where you ask people to get help, should also be a period. To catch these little snags, it can help by reading it out loud. The other thing to keep in mind is the rating. It will have to be edited to 13+ because of the subject matter. If you could change it as soon as possible, that would be appreciated. *Smile*


*Sun* Overall, a well written poem! It's a sad topic, and I was hoping things would go better for the main character at the end, but I thought you did a wonderful job on weaving the emotion throughout the poem. Keep on writing!

*Swords* Lornda




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/11/2024 @ 7:49pm EDT
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4743880