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 Review #4744464 |
 | Mr. Moon, Shine on Me  [18+] The full moon brings out the worst in families. Very short (800 word) horror story.  |
| Hallo Max Griffin 🏳️🌈 ! I will be reviewing your work "Mr. Moon, Shine on Me" on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"  Content: A little boy finds himself trapped; where Mommy and Daddy seem to spend half of the time arguing over matters that might relate to him. Perhaps finding comfort in the brilliance of the moon, at night, is the only thing to help him get through it all. Pluses:Well, I was just about to throw hands at how this all started - but things clicked in after the fourth paragraph or so. Question is...why all the beatings? How does that solve anything? Or are his parents doing that to weaken his powers when he does transform? Although, it might appear to be quite the predictable plot line, you are able to capture the fear, confusion, and yet simmering darkness beneath the narrator's feelings on the situation. We are immediately trapped in that basement with him, yearning for the moon as well. Perhaps, we can try to sympathize with his parents' 'fear' and 'concerns' (still think they could have gone about it differently, don't ask me how, I don't raise werewolves!) because who wants to know their kid's been running around eating the neighbour’s, am I right? Still, the sweet moments you sneak in there - with the shaving scene - was a nice touch that when they're not all being frantic about moon swings (yes, I said 'moon swings'), they are a typical and nice family, who do love their boy. Suggestions:Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. Nothing in particular stands out to be to be changed; if anything, I'm really curious to know just why Mom and Dad always scream at each other and why the neighbours haven't called the cops yet. I figure it's because of Dad's need to get away from civilization when the time comes, but maybe he could take his boy and both of them make it a father-son outing or something? And Mom, guessing she's still a normal human - ah, I need more story, I guess.     Thanks for sharing the story with us. It was a fun read. Keep on writing!   Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 04/13/2024 @ 10:13am EDT