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Review #4744638
Viewing a review of:
 A Pleasant Drive Open in new Window. [13+]
A Missing Persons case, contest entry for the Writer's Cramp. 1000 words
by Fraught-With-Safety Author Icon
Review of A Pleasant Drive  Open in new Window.
Review by .Jeremy. Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Free Folk  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)


Hello Fraught-With-Safety

You are receiving this review of "A Pleasant DriveOpen in new Window. in connection with "Game of ThronesOpen in new Window..

*Gem* Areas of Strength

*Bullet* The plot of the story revolves around Sheriff Darren Letsky and Amanda LeFitte investigating the disappearance of Amanda's grandmother, Gladys. This plot point is intriguing and sets the stage for a compelling mystery.

*Bullet* The plot is engaging and holds the reader's interest throughout. The mystery of Gladys' disappearance is compelling, and the revelation of the dark streak by the apple tree at the end leaves the reader eager to learn more.

*Bullet* The setting of Cumberland is well-established, providing a vivid backdrop for the story. The small-town atmosphere adds to the sense of isolation and mystery surrounding Gladys' disappearance.

*Bullet* The pacing of the story is steady, with each scene unfolding at a measured pace.

*Bullet* The discovery of the blood in the kitchen and the subsequent events create a palpable sense of suspense. The reader is left wondering what has happened to Gladys and who or what is responsible for her disappearance.

*Bullet* The story is rich in descriptive details that paint a vivid picture of the setting. For instance, the description of Gladys' home, with its worn floorboards and single plate in the drainer, helps to establish her character and daily routine as well as ground the story in a relatable reality; who doesn't have a single plate in their sink waiting to be washed? This close attention to smaller details shows a careful consideration for reader immersion that is superb.

*Bullet* The characters in the story are well-defined, with distinct personalities and motivations. Letsky is portrayed as a seasoned sheriff, while Amanda is depicted as a concerned granddaughter.

*Bullet* The dialogue in the story is functional, moving the plot forward and revealing information about the characters.



*Gem* Areas for Improvement

*Bullet* There are moments where the pacing could be tightened to maintain suspense and keep the reader engaged. For example, when Letsky discovers the blood in the kitchen, the narrative could linger on his thoughts and emotions to heighten the tension.

*Bullet* Descriptions could be more evocative to enhance the atmosphere. For example, when Letsky discovers the blood on the faucet, a more detailed description of his surroundings could amplify the sense of dread.

*Bullet* There is room for further development, especially in Amanda's character. Adding more depth to her backstory and relationship with Gladys could make her more relatable and sympathetic to the reader.

*Bullet* The dialogue could be more nuanced to reflect the characters' personalities and emotions. For example, when Letsky instructs Amanda to stay in the hallway, his tone could be more authoritative to convey the seriousness of the situation.



*Gem* Overall Impression

Overall, the story shows promise with its intriguing plot and well-defined characters. With some refinement in character development, pacing, imagery, and dialogue, it has the potential to be a gripping mystery. You've done fantastic work given the constraints put in place for the contest. And due to those constraints, there's only so much space available to do all of these things a story needs: setting, characters, conflict, dialogue, etc. So with that being, I offer the above suggestive edits only as a means of improving the narrative should you wish you to take this piece beyond its original creation as contest entry.

Write on! *Pencil*



*Snow2*          *Swords*          *Snow4*          *Swords*          *Snow2*


Let your imagination run wild.

Set your creativity free.

We are the Free Folk.

And we do not kneel.


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DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed within this review are the sole product of the reviewer. They do not necessarily reflect those of the group, activity and/or event in which they are affiliated. Any implementation of suggested edits is at the sole discretion of the piece's writer; they may be used when and where deemed necessary by the writer of the piece and/or disregarded in their entirety. The reviewer releases any and all rights and/or claims to those suggestive edits should they be utilized by the writer of the piece.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/13/2024 @ 11:18pm EDT
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