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Review #4744705
Viewing a review of:
My Apologies, Mr. Smith Open in new Window. [18+]
A Halloween party is just the beginning of this tale of terror.
by Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ Author Icon
Review by .Jeremy. Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Free Folk  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)


Hello Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ

You are receiving this review of "My Apologies, Mr. SmithOpen in new Window. in connection with "Game of ThronesOpen in new Window..

*Gem* Areas of Strength

*Bullet* The story skillfully establishes a vivid and atmospheric setting, particularly during the Halloween party scene. The description of the party, with its eerie decorations and spooky ambiance, creates a strong sense of place. For example, the line "Following the initial green fog, welcome drink, I ate, danced and got my ass pinched more than once" not only sets the scene but also adds to the overall tone of the story. The use of sensory details, such as the description of the crisp October breeze, further enhances the atmosphere and immerses the reader in the story's world.

*Bullet* The protagonist is portrayed in a relatable and engaging manner, with her thoughts and feelings providing insight into her personality. The use of first-person narration allows the reader to connect with the protagonist on a deeper level, experiencing the events of the story through her perspective. The line "I should be struck down for telling such a big fib. Nevertheless, I just cannot imagine hurting my dear friend’s feelings" demonstrates the protagonist's internal conflict, adding complexity to her character.

*Bullet* The story maintains a steady pace, gradually building tension as the protagonist's evening takes a sinister turn. The pacing effectively ramps up during the encounter with the stalker, creating a sense of urgency and danger. The line "Thank God I will be home soon; then I can put this whole crummy night behind me" reflects the protagonist's desire to escape the escalating situation, heightening the suspense for the reader.

*Bullet* The story successfully builds suspense, particularly during the protagonist's interactions with the stalker. The introduction of the stalker adds a sense of danger and unpredictability, keeping the reader on edge. The line "I stood there in shock as flashes of the evening started replaying in my mind" conveys the protagonist's fear and confusion, heightening the suspenseful atmosphere of the scene.



*Gem* Areas for Improvement

*Bullet* The protagonist is well-drawn and relatable, while other characters, such as Danya and Mr. Smith, could benefit from further development. Danya, as the protagonist's best friend, could be given more depth to make her motivations for hosting the Halloween party clearer. Similarly, Mr. Smith's character, particularly his motivations for his actions, could be more fully explored. Adding more backstory or context to these characters would help to enrich the story and make their actions more meaningful.

*Bullet* The dialogue is generally effective in conveying the characters' personalities and advancing the plot, but there are some instances where it could be improved. For example, the line "Oh, my goodness, he is flashing his high beams on and off. I wonder if this is the same guy who tried to stop me at the party. What is wrong with him?" feels a bit too expository and could be rephrased to sound more natural. Additionally, adding more subtext to the dialogue, particularly during the interaction between the protagonist and Mr. Smith, could add depth to their relationship and make their connection more believable.

*Bullet* While the overall pacing of the story is effective, there are some moments where the narrative could benefit from tightening. For example, the description of the protagonist's thoughts and feelings during her encounter with the stalker could be streamlined to maintain the tension and suspense of the scene. Additionally, the resolution of the story, particularly the protagonist's escape from the stalker, could be more swiftly executed to ensure a satisfying conclusion without losing momentum.

*Bullet* The resolution of the conflict, particularly the revelation that Mr. Smith was actually trying to protect the protagonist from the stalker, could be more clearly foreshadowed throughout the story. Adding subtle hints or clues to Mr. Smith's true intentions would make the twist more satisfying for readers and prevent it from feeling too abrupt or contrived. This could involve incorporating more details about Mr. Smith's actions and behavior leading up to the reveal to create a sense of continuity and realism in his character arc.



*Gem* Overall Impression

Overall, the story effectively creates a sense of tension and suspense, particularly during the protagonist's encounter with the stalker. The use of descriptive language helps to immerse the reader in the protagonist's experience, making the events feel vivid and immediate. The twist involving Mr. Smith's true intentions adds an unexpected element to the story, keeping the reader engaged until the end.

There are areas where the story could be improved. The pacing, particularly in the resolution of the conflict, could be tightened to maintain the tension established earlier in the narrative. Additionally, further development of secondary characters, such as Danya and Mr. Smith, would help to enrich the story and make their actions more meaningful.

The story effectively creates a suspenseful atmosphere and delivers a satisfying twist, but could benefit from some refinement in pacing and character development.



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DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed within this review are the sole product of the reviewer. They do not necessarily reflect those of the group, activity and/or event in which they are affiliated. Any implementation of suggested edits is at the sole discretion of the piece's writer; they may be used when and where deemed necessary by the writer of the piece and/or disregarded in their entirety. The reviewer releases any and all rights and/or claims to those suggestive edits should they be utilized by the writer of the piece.


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