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 Review #4744870 |
 | The mind's eye  [E] Dreaming, daydreaming, visualising.. all of us have done it.  |
 This is a "Game of Thrones" review!Hello, Noël Freeman!  First Impression:There's a melancholy to this vivid dreamscape that is engaging and captivating. Form, Rhythm, Cadence, and Style:With its traditional structure, the poem has a lyrical quality and combines the verses well. The cadence is good, with a natural ebb and flow that pairs well with the imagery you've used throughout. Your use of semicolons is very effective and results in smooth transitions between dreams and reality. There are a few spots where I had to double-check the flow, so reading it out loud might help you see if there's anything that trips you up (there's always the possibility it was reader error on my side of things. I do my best, but it happens.). But overall, it's stylistically beautiful. Content:Reality is definitely a burden, and it's nice to get away to somewhere idyllic. With the imagery of a mind-made paradise contrasted with the jarring return to reality, you've offered a well-recognized and very personal narrative that is easy to relate to. It should provide an emotional connection with readers as they weave their way through your imagery of oceans and sand. Grammar and Mechanics:I see no problems with spelling or grammar, and it feels polished. Your use of punctuation is exceptional, leading the reader through the poem so it delivers its meaning and emotion the way you wanted it to. It helps the thoughts and transition flow from one to the next seamlessly, and the reader barely perceives it is happening. Final Thoughts:You have captured the essence of a universal facet of the human mind's ability to create sanctuaries, even if none are immediately available. It is thoughtful and well-crafted. Great work. Thank you for sharing your work with us! JayNaNoOhNo   My approach to reviews: "I'll Explain, but not Disclaim" The views and opinions in this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and, therefore, do not necessarily reflect the group, activity, and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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You responded to this review 04/14/2024 @ 12:30pm EDT