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 Review #4744937 |
 | My Cool, Little Breeze  [13+] Created for the Romance Round of Jay's Dialogue 500 Contest  |
| (4.5)| Hallo Jakrebs ! I will be reviewing your work "My Cool, Little Breeze" for "Game of Thrones"  Content: Written for the Dialogue 500 contest, this story appears to be based on a prompt that requires the writer to propose without stating the obvious. Pluses:Talk about beating around the bush to finally get to the point, eh?  Or - as you so cleverly did - the proposal was already stated, but you start off the story with the girlfriend stating she does want to get married, but she is still wary about their relationship since they've been going out for only one year (which for some folks is way too long actually!)Our guy, not to be deterred, starts off with some random story about seeing something shiny in the grass while doing his business in the toilet. So, not a very romantic beginning as obvious from the reaction from the girlfriend (as she too is wondering where this is heading), but it is actually sweet the way he comes around to comparing what turns out to be dew drops, to her personality. That definitely makes her feel good, but our boy is not done quite yet as he launches into a litany of all the things she reminds him of (and the heart medicine bit? Hah!) and how much he truly wants her in his life. Finally won over, our girl has to stop him before he collapses (probably) with a quip warning that she is not really that beautiful to look at in the morning. Clearly an inside joke between them.    This was a fun read and well done with the prompt. Thanks for sharing and keep on writing!    Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 04/14/2024 @ 11:30pm EDT