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Review #4745085
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Singularity Open in new Window. [13+]
When machines become sentient, what chance does man have? A Quotation Inspiration Entry
by 🌕 HuntersMoon Author Icon
Review of Singularity  Open in new Window.
Review by . . . Jeremy Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Free Folk  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)


Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon

You are receiving this review of "SingularityOpen in new Window. in connection with "Game of ThronesOpen in new Window..

*Gem* Areas of Strength

*Bullet* The story creates a vivid post-apocalyptic world where machines have taken over, and humanity struggles to survive. The descriptions of the environment, the technology, and the societal changes are detailed and immersive, drawing the reader into the setting. The description of the extinct chicken and its significance in the past ("It was a bird. They've been extinct for a long time") immediately sets the tone for a world drastically different from our own, sparking curiosity about what led to this change.

*Bullet* The characters of Davi and Tamor are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations. Their relationship is central to the story, and their interactions help to reveal their beliefs, fears, and hopes, adding depth to the narrative. Davi's curiosity and innocence are evident in his questions and actions ("'What's a chicken?' ... 'Was it dangerous?'"). This contrasts with Tamor's wisdom and experience, creating a dynamic that drives the story forward.

*Bullet* The use of the chicken and egg question as a metaphor for curiosity and the need to understand the world is clever and adds a layer of depth to the story. It helps to tie together the philosophical themes with the narrative, giving the story a cohesive structure. Tamor explains the importance of curiosity using the chicken and egg metaphor ("It's important because it's what makes us human"). This metaphor not only clarifies the theme but also makes it accessible and relatable to the reader.

*Bullet* The story effectively reveals information about the world and the characters gradually, keeping the reader engaged and curious. The revelation about the singularity and the past efforts of humans to combat the machines is a compelling twist that adds intrigue to the narrative. Tamor's explanation of the singularity and its consequences ("Before you ask, a singularity is that moment in time when a machine first had an independent thought") is a pivotal moment in the story that reshapes the reader's understanding of the world.


*Gem* Areas for Improvement

*Bullet* While the story provides intriguing hints about the past, such as the Singularity Symposium and the events leading to the machines' rise, more explicit details or flashbacks could enhance the reader's understanding. Consider incorporating brief flashbacks or historical accounts to provide context and depth to the narrative. One way would be through a dialogue exchange following the chicken and the egg question ("Which came first—the machines or the end of the world?"). This type of interaction of exposition through conversation may require the involvement of a third character, but since I'm discussing ways in which to expand the story, this isn't outside the realm of possibility for the established characters to come across another familiar.

*Bullet* The story introduces a captivating dystopian world, but more details could be provided to fully immerse the reader. Describe the environment, the remnants of human civilization, and how daily life has changed. Show more of the machines' impact on the world and the challenges faced by humans in this new reality.

*Bullet* Davi and Tamor's relationship is a strong point, and more dialogue and interaction between them could further develop their dynamic. Consider adding moments of conflict, camaraderie, or mutual discovery to deepen their bond and make their journey even more engaging. Consider adding more depth to their backgrounds, motivations, and interactions to make them feel more rounded and relatable. Show more of their emotional journeys and the impact of living in a world dominated by machines.

*Bullet* The story touches on the consequences of the machines' takeover, such as the loss of mountains and the search for methane pockets. Expanding on these consequences and exploring how they impact daily life and human survival could add depth to the world-building and enhance the sense of urgency in the narrative. Introduce more conflict and tension to heighten the stakes and create a sense of urgency. Show the dangers faced by Davi and Tamor as they explore and uncover secrets, adding suspense and intrigue to the story.

*Bullet* The story's pacing is generally steady, but some sections could benefit from tightening to maintain momentum. Consider revising certain passages to streamline the narrative and maintain the reader's interest throughout.Consider balancing exposition with action and dialogue to keep the narrative moving forward. Use the discoveries Davi makes to drive the plot and reveal more about the world and its history.

*Bullet* While the story touches on themes of loss, survival, and resilience, delving deeper into the emotional impact of these themes on the characters could add poignancy to the narrative. Consider exploring Davi and Tamor's emotional struggles, fears, and hopes to create a more resonant and compelling story. Enhance the emotional impact of the story by delving deeper into the characters' feelings and reactions. Show the human side of their struggles and the toll it takes on them mentally and emotionally.

*Bullet* The story ends on a hopeful note with Davi's discovery, but more closure regarding the implications of this discovery and its potential impact on the characters and the world could provide a more satisfying conclusion. Consider expanding the ending to address these aspects and provide a more complete resolution to the narrative. Clarify the implications of Davi's discovery and how it might impact the future of humanity in this world dominated by machines.

*Bullet* The story introduces intriguing concepts and terms, such as the Singularity Symposium and methane pockets, and ensuring consistency in how these terms are used and explained can help clarify their significance and enhance the coherence of the narrative. Consider revisiting these terms to ensure they are consistently used and understood throughout the story.

*Bullet* Additionally, ensure consistency in the story's tone, style, and world-building. Double-check for any inconsistencies or contradictions that may arise, especially regarding the rules of the world and the behavior of the machines.

*Bullet* Instead of explicitly stating information, try to show it through actions, dialogue, and descriptive language. This will make the story more engaging and allow readers to draw their own conclusions.



*Gem* Overall Impression

Overall, the story presents a fascinating glimpse into a dystopian world where machines have taken over, and humanity struggles to survive. The premise is compelling, and there are many intriguing elements, such as the concept of the singularity and the impact of machines on society. Davi and Tamor are interesting characters, and their dynamic holds promise for further development.

There are areas where the story could be strengthened, particularly in terms of character development, world-building, and pacing. By delving deeper into these aspects, you can create a richer, more immersive narrative that will captivate readers from start to finish.

Keep exploring the complexities of your world and characters, and don't be afraid to take risks with your storytelling. Your story has a strong foundation, and with some refinement, it has the potential to be truly memorable. Trust in your creativity and continue to push the boundaries of your imagination.

Remember, writing is a journey of discovery, and each draft is an opportunity to refine your vision. Embrace the process, and don't be discouraged by any setbacks. Your story has the power to transport readers to a different world and make them think about the nature of humanity and technology. Keep writing, keep refining, and most importantly, keep believing in your story.

Write on! *Pencil*



*Snow2*          *Swords*          *Snow4*          *Swords*          *Snow2*


Let your imagination run wild.

Set your creativity free.

We are the Free Folk.

And we do not kneel.


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DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed within this review are the sole product of the reviewer. They do not necessarily reflect those of the group, activity and/or event in which they are affiliated. Any implementation of suggested edits is at the sole discretion of the piece's writer; they may be used when and where deemed necessary by the writer of the piece and/or disregarded in their entirety. The reviewer releases any and all rights and/or claims to those suggestive edits should they be utilized by the writer of the piece.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
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