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Review #4745092
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Eye of the Beholder Open in new Window. [E]
Bob stared at Huda. “What are you thinking?” A Journey through Genres Entry
by 🌖 HuntersMoon Author Icon
In affiliation with The Free Folk  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)


Hello 🌖 HuntersMoon

You are receiving this review of "Eye of the BeholderOpen in new Window. in connection with "Game of ThronesOpen in new Window..

*Gem* Areas of Strength

*Bullet* The relationship between Bob and Huda is one of the story's strongest aspects. Their bond is evident from the moment Bob wakes up to Huda's eager gaze. The exchange of thoughts between them adds depth to their connection, showing a level of understanding and companionship that is heartwarming. For example, when Bob jokes about Huda being his alarm clock, her immediate response with wet kisses highlights their playful dynamic and mutual affection.

*Bullet* The story seamlessly weaves scientific concepts into the narrative, particularly in the field of neuroscience. By introducing real-life figures like Huda Akil, the neuroscientist, and referencing quotes from David Eagleman and Steven Wright, the story grounds its speculative elements in real-world science. This integration adds credibility to the story's premise and enhances the reader's immersion in the world you've created.

*Bullet* Humor is used effectively throughout the story, providing moments of light-heartedness that balance the more serious themes. One humorous instance is when Bob jokes with the guard about his pun, showing a playful side to his character. Another is when Huda thinks about Bob changing his socks, injecting a playful and relatable moment into the narrative.

*Bullet* The use of descriptive language is vivid and engaging, painting a clear picture of the characters and their surroundings. Phrases like "liquid brown eyes," "flurry of wet kisses," and "scent of the wind" evoke sensory experiences, making the scenes come alive for the reader. This descriptive richness enhances the reader's connection to the story and its characters.

*Bullet* The story effectively explores the theme of connection, both between humans and animals and in a broader sense with the idea of shared experiences. The mind-link between Bob and Huda serves as a powerful metaphor for the deep bond that can exist between individuals, whether human or animal. This theme adds emotional depth to the story and resonates with readers on a personal level.



*Gem* Areas for Improvement

*Bullet* The bond between Bob and Huda is well-established, and further development of their individual personalities could enhance the depth of the story. Giving Huda more distinct characteristics and behaviors, beyond her role as a companion, could make her feel more like a fully realized character. This could be achieved through additional interactions or moments that showcase Huda's unique traits and quirks.

Example Fix:

Original: Huda checked the trees for squirrels, picking up an interesting scent. She followed it toward an odd shape near the curb.

Improved: Huda's ears perked up at the familiar scent of a squirrel. With a low growl, she approached the tree, her gaze fixed on the elusive target. Bob chuckled at her determination, knowing that once Huda was focused, nothing could distract her.

*Bullet* The story flows smoothly, and adding moments of tension or suspense could enhance the overall narrative. Introducing obstacles or challenges that Bob and Huda must overcome could create a more dynamic plot. This could include external threats or conflicts that test their bond and showcase their resilience.

*Bullet* While the theme of connection is present, further exploration of its implications could add depth to the story. Delving into the consequences of Bob and Huda's mind-link, both positive and negative, could create a more nuanced portrayal of their relationship and its impact on their lives.



*Gem* Overall Impression

Overall, the story presents an intriguing concept with the potential for rich exploration of the bond between Bob and Huda. The strength lies in the unique premise and the portrayal of the evolving connection between man and dog. The use of Huda's perspective adds an interesting layer to the narrative, offering a glimpse into her thoughts and emotions.

There are areas that could be improved to enhance the story. Clearer transitions between scenes and perspectives would improve readability, ensuring that readers can easily follow the flow of the narrative. Further development of Huda as a character, with distinct traits and behaviors, would make her feel more three-dimensional and enhance her role in the story. Additionally, introducing moments of tension or conflict could add depth and keep readers engaged.

Despite these areas for improvement, the story shows promise and has the potential to be a captivating exploration of the bond between humans and animals. With some refinement, particularly in terms of clarity and character development, it could become a compelling and emotionally resonant tale.

Keep exploring this unique relationship and the themes it encompasses. Your story has the potential to touch readers on a deep level, offering insights into the nature of connection and understanding between species.



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Let your imagination run wild.

Set your creativity free.

We are the Free Folk.

And we do not kneel.


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DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed within this review are the sole product of the reviewer. They do not necessarily reflect those of the group, activity and/or event in which they are affiliated. Any implementation of suggested edits is at the sole discretion of the piece's writer; they may be used when and where deemed necessary by the writer of the piece and/or disregarded in their entirety. The reviewer releases any and all rights and/or claims to those suggestive edits should they be utilized by the writer of the piece.


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