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 Review #4745164 |
 | Nonsense in a garden  [E] Two babies discussing the possibility of life after delivery in mother womb.  |
| (4.0)| Hallo sindbad ! I will be reviewing your work "Nonsense in a garden" for House Targaryen on behalf of "Game of Thrones"  Content: This is a short story that captures the conversation between unborn twins in their mother's womb. Pluses: This was an interesting one and made me wonder if it was a metaphor for an entirely different topic that borders on the religious? It starts out simple enough; a pregnant woman is having a peaceful and quiet time outdoors, while within her womb, her unborn children are engaged in a rather deep and philosophical discussion. Do they exist when they are out of the womb? Seems like a weird question to ask, but when one really thinks about it, why should the fear that they will not survive 'out there' not come into question? With this simple premise, you open up a world of contemplation and speculation on the matter. Which leads me to the metaphorical aspect of all this; faith and religion. This is the section that brings it all to light:The first replied “Mother? You actually believe in Mother? That’s laughable. If Mother exists then where is She now?” The second said, “She is all around us. We are surrounded by her. We are of Her. It is in Her that we live. Without Her this world would not and could not exist.” Said the first: “Well I don’t see Her, so it is only logical that She doesn’t exist.” So, yes. This might all be just 'Mom' we're talking about in your story, but one cannot help but apply it to the one of the most prevalent queries regarding those who believe in some Higher Being. This is quite a clever way of allowing the readers to come to their own conclusions with this topic. Suggestions:Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. >>A pregnant woman was resting in a garden. >>In a mother’s womb were two babies. (With the way this was written, it seems like we're talking about two different people. Perhaps you could go with: A pregnant woman was resting in a garden. In her womb were two babies.) >>“Nonsense(,)” said the first. >>The umbilical cord supplies nutrition and everything we need.  But the umbilical (don't think it needs to be in two separate sentences; a comma should suffice) >>“Well (,) I think there is something (,) and maybe it’s different than it is here. >>...then why has no one has ever come back from there? >>“but certainly we will meet Mother (,) and she will take care of us.”   Thanks for sharing this piece with us. It was a pleasure to read. Keep on writing!    Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 04/15/2024 @ 3:40pm EDT