"Game of Thrones"  "The Iron Bank of Braavos" 



Hi Drake

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Off Your Shoulders

First Impression: Looks like this was just created today. I see the author has chosen to do abab rhyming in this three stanza poem

What needs your attention: Poems are about creating something beautiful without relying on out dated cliches like the weight of the world is yours to carry.

You're trapped in a world that's scary
The pain is reflected in your eyes
the burdens you're having to carry
cloaked in so many lies.

Atlas and last aren't natural rhymes, I'm sure you can find better words to say the same thing.

day and clay also feel forced. I wondered what the author was saying when I got to clay.
The rhyming feels natural and I've said about the same as you without using a cliche.

What part I liked best: I like the sentiment I think the author is struggling to accomplish in this poem. It's clear he loves someone deeply.

Overall impression: I suggest the author spend some time reviewing poets on the site so he has a better feel of rhyming and the natural cadence a poem needs to make it powerful. It doesn't happen overnight, we've all been there. Keep trying, and you'll master poetry.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Welcome to WDC.


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .