%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4745694 |
 |  | A Normal Guy  [ASR] Chaos or a constructive guide to misunderstood genius? Can it be both?  |
| Hallo Jay's debut novel is out now! ! I will be reviewing your work "A Normal Guy" for House Targaryen on behalf of "Game of Thrones"  Content: His name is Neil and he's the resident troublemaker...or is he? This story explores how one young man's antics affect the lives of those who care about him and a community that seems to disapprove. Pluses: Reading your notes at the end of this story, it says you wrote this while you were in high school and it's the first story you ever posted on Writing.com? Nice! In addition, you performed the first half of the story at the Writing.com convention back in '05. Wow. You've definitely come a long way since then, and I must say your talent really shines with this one. You mention wanting to make more stories that evolve around Neil, and I say why not? Talk about a man with so much energy to spare! I love his character and through the eyes of Kate - our narrator - we get to go on a whirlwind of an adventure with a young man who refuses, Kate's words 'to think inside the box' - in fact this section: Neil is not the kind of guy who has bats in his belfry; the bats packed up and moved out within a week. A thorough examination of Neil's philosophy on life demonstrates his total inability to think inside the box.  The rest of the paragraph actually had me laughing out loud as the apt description of this young man is fitting following the conversation he had with Katy first thing on a Sunday morning. I thoroughly enjoyed the dialogue in this story. It helps to highlight each character's personality. Kate - the straight character - who has to do her best to keep up with Neil and his shenanigans. Neil, of course, who is the life of the party. Then we've got poor ol' Neil's grandpa who might end up with more than a broken ankle if he continues to try to keep up with Neil and his antics. Even the police officer who stops them is a whole character himself. He comes across as the typical rough and tough man of the law, but might have a heart of gold beneath that (I mean he did return the ukulele, so...) Since this story tends to concentrate more on the dialogue, the brief moments where you describe the scene is very well done. From the way Neil is dressed when Kate first arrives at his place, to the chaos that is within the house and all that ensues, puts the reader in that very same place. We are able to see everything as it's happening which is a testament to your writing skills. Unfortunately, all good things have to come to an end...or should it? The last section of the story shows us a more subdued Neil, who probably after countless scoldings from the older folks about his behaviour, has decided that it's best to be 'good' and 'normal'. However, for Kate, it makes Neil...well, boring. Though she might not approve of everything he does, if he chose to become just like everyone else, there was no joy in that. I especially like the way the story ends with both of them agreeing that the concept of 'growing up' is way overrated. Suggestions:Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. >>This is really a non-issue as I was able to read the story just fine, but for others, it might be a problem as the formatting of this is a little 'off'. Maybe it's a stylistic choice (after all, we are deaing with a character that's 'out there') but it might be a bit more presentable in its layout.   Overall, this was a fantastic story, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. Thanks so very much for sharing this, and keep on writing!   Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
|
|||
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
You have not yet responded to this review.