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 Review #4745705 |
 |  | Deserted island  [ASR] Friends find the unexpected during their dream vacation  |
| (4.5)| Hallo Maryann ! I will be reviewing your work "Deserted island" for House Targaryen on behalf of "Game of Thrones"  Content: Two couples find themselves on a paradise - an isolated island in the middle of nowhere - with all the comfort they could need for the perfect getaway holiday. Unfortunately, certain troubling news causes them to rethink their current predicament and fear for their lives. Pluses: Maybe it's just because I've been burned one too many times, but from the beginning of this story, there was an underlying sense of foreboding. These people were just too happy about things, and something at the back of my mind was wondering when the all hell would break loose. Well, I was definitely not disappointed with the ending. One of the main things to take away from this story is the conversations had between the characters. We have two sets of couples and Ken, the guide, who is Lara's brother, responsible for bringing the couple to the island. Through their dialogue, we can get an idea of each character's personality and what makes them stand out. Ken comes across as diligent and particular about things; making sure that all the boxes are checked before leaving the couple to their devices on the island. You don't spend a lot of time with description of the settings, but when you do, we are able to see the beach in all its beauty. We experience the same warmth as they dive into the waters or sink their toes into the sand. The campsite looks cozy and welcoming, and one can simply find no fault with the way things are panning out. Unfortunately, we can't have nice things around here, can we? And that comes when the radio is found and turned on so they can also listen to music. Sadly, instead of dancing away, they are interrupted with breaking news about countries trying to bomb each other out of the sky. Naturally, the entire situation sends the couples into a panic and they become concerned about the current set of the world. What if Ken never returned? That ought to be their main concern. However, since they are well supplied, on the island, they decide to just sit and wait for some form of rescue to arrive. The tension built up with the news announcement was very well done, and had me shaking my head because...guess what? Isn't that exactly what's happening right now in the world? Such a sad state of affairs indeed. Suggestions:Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. >>On the last trip they brought and set up shed kits, knowing that they will be coming back a lot. (though this reads ok, I think it could be made a little shorter. Consider: On the last trip, they brought and set up shed kits for return visits.) >>they have a smaller shed for storage, and another for a bathroom. (no need for the comma there) >>“Ready.” Amy concurred >>“This feels terrific.” Amy began (change the period to a comma) >>Yes (,) ladies and gentlemen.   Overall, a lovely story that was a pleasure to read. Thanks so very much for sharing this, and keep on writing!  Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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