I love the science fiction genre. This seems to be an interesting story in that category. This introduction reads like poetry. There is a lot of vivid description with the storm. The storm come to life is very beautifully described in a terrifying way. It is a very powerful flashback to open the story with. You can feel a lot of chaotic events happening at once. It makes for a very exciting opening.

The intro also reveals a compelling mystery left to be solved with how the parents apparently died in the storm. It draws in readers as they want to know how it occurred. The lead character is portrayed as haunted by shadows.

I recommend fleshing each of the segments out. A lot of the opening is blurred together and it is difficult for a reader to discern everything that is going on and tell what is flashback, what is in the characters memories, what is a dream and what is part of the present. For example with the shadows are attacking him in his mind or metaphorical or whether the character is experiencing an actual attack. I can picture in a movie this type of chaos depicted would work well with visuals for reference but it is challenging for the reader to identify where the dream / flashback ends and what is happening currently. Since this is the beginning of a novel, you need to ground the reader a bit. They have to have a clear sense of what is happening to be encouraged to continue with the story

I think some white space would help with this. It might help to add spaces between paragraphs. It would allow users to adjust a bit to the fast pace. However you also need to clearly separate each segment and add more to identify what is going on. For example with "the author of the nightmare" sequence. I can't tell exactly what is happening there. It seems like the lead is being warned or attacked but it is not clear by who. If you were to describe what what he was seeing I feel it would help a lot.

In any case... this is good opening that has the potential be a great lead in to your story and I would definitely want to read more of the novel this is a setup for. Best of luck with your writing.



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .