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Review #4745743
Viewing a review of:
The Old Tire Swing Open in new Window. [E]
Unspoken sorrow is a heavy burden to carry
by Bikerider Author Icon
Review by .Jeremy. Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Free Folk  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)


Hello Bikerider

You are receiving this review of "The Old Tire SwingOpen in new Window. in connection with "Game of ThronesOpen in new Window..

*Gem* Areas of Strength

*Bullet* The story excels in portraying deep emotional connections between the characters, particularly the protagonist and her father. This depth is evident in moments like when the protagonist reflects on her father's love and care, such as when he read to her at night and tended to her scraped knee. These memories are vividly described, allowing the reader to empathize with the protagonist's feelings of loss and regret. The emotional impact is further heightened by scenes like the protagonist's visit to her father's gravesite, where she is overwhelmed by sorrow and guilt.

*Bullet* The characters in the story are well-developed and relatable, especially the protagonist and her father. The father is depicted as a loving and thoughtful man, as seen in his efforts to surprise his daughter with a swing set for her daughter's birthday. His actions and words reveal a deep understanding of his daughter's needs and desires, creating a touching portrayal of fatherly love. The protagonist's character is also well-drawn, with her inner conflict and emotional turmoil depicted with sensitivity and authenticity.

*Bullet* The story uses descriptive language effectively to create vivid imagery and evoke strong emotions. Scenes like the protagonist's childhood disappointment upon seeing the old tire swing and her father's tearful confession of his illness are vividly portrayed, allowing the reader to visualize the events and empathize with the characters' feelings. The use of sensory details, such as the smell of fresh-turned earth and the sound of the swinging tire, adds depth and richness to the narrative, enhancing the reader's immersion in the story.

*Bullet* The story effectively explores themes of family, love, regret, and loss, offering a poignant and insightful reflection on the complexities of familial relationships. Through the protagonist's memories and interactions with her father, the story delves into the nuances of parent-child relationships, highlighting the impact of past actions and the importance of forgiveness and reconciliation. The theme of redemption is also touched upon, as seen in the protagonist's realization of her father's love and sacrifice.



*Gem* Areas for Improvement

*Bullet* The story's pacing could be improved in certain sections to maintain the reader's engagement. For example, in the scene where the protagonist discovers the swing her father made for her, the buildup to the reveal of the swing feels rushed. The protagonist's initial excitement and subsequent disappointment could be more effectively conveyed with a slower buildup of anticipation and a more gradual realization of the true nature of the swing. To improve pacing, consider adding more detail to the scene, focusing on the protagonist's thoughts and emotions as she approaches the swing. Describe her excitement and anticipation, followed by her gradual realization of the true nature of the swing. This will create a more impactful and emotionally resonant moment for the reader.

*Bullet* While the story's dialogue is generally effective, there are instances where it feels somewhat stilted or forced. For example, in the scene where the protagonist's father reveals the swing he made for her, the dialogue between them could be more natural and reflective of their relationship. To improve the dialogue, consider revising it to make it more authentic and reflective of the characters' personalities and emotions. Focus on creating dialogue that flows naturally and reveals more about the characters' thoughts and feelings.

*Bullet* The resolution of the conflict between the protagonist and her father regarding the swing could be more nuanced and satisfying. After the protagonist's initial disappointment, the story could explore her eventual acceptance and appreciation of the swing as a symbol of her father's love and effort. To improve the conflict resolution, consider adding a scene where the protagonist reflects on her father's intentions and the significance of the swing. Show her coming to terms with her initial disappointment and realizing the true value of the swing as a symbol of her father's love and care.

*Bullet* While the protagonist and her father are well-developed characters, there is room for further development, particularly in their relationship dynamics. The story could delve deeper into their relationship, exploring their past interactions and how they have shaped their present feelings and attitudes towards each other. To enhance character development, consider adding more scenes that explore the protagonist's memories of her father and their relationship over time. Show how these memories influence her thoughts and emotions in the present, leading to a deeper understanding of their bond.



*Gem* Overall Impression

Overall, the story effectively conveys a poignant tale of love, loss, and reconciliation through the protagonist's memories of her father and their relationship. The narrative is heartfelt and relatable, with strong emotional depth that resonates with the reader. The use of vivid imagery and sensory details helps to immerse the reader in the protagonist's world, creating a vivid and engaging reading experience.

One of the story's strengths is its ability to evoke a strong emotional response from the reader, particularly in its portrayal of the protagonist's complex feelings towards her father and the swing he made for her. The story effectively captures the nuances of grief, regret, and acceptance, making it a compelling and thought-provoking read.

There are areas where the story could be improved. The pacing could be more balanced, particularly in scenes where there is a significant emotional impact, such as the discovery of the swing. Additionally, the dialogue could be more natural and reflective of the characters' personalities and emotions, enhancing the overall authenticity of the narrative.

Despite these areas for improvement, the story is a poignant and moving exploration of love, loss, and the complexities of family relationships. With some revisions to pacing and dialogue, the story has the potential to become even more impactful and emotionally resonant.

Overall, the story shows great promise and is a testament to your storytelling ability. Keep writing and exploring these rich emotional themes, as they are what make your story truly memorable.



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DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed within this review are the sole product of the reviewer. They do not necessarily reflect those of the group, activity and/or event in which they are affiliated. Any implementation of suggested edits is at the sole discretion of the piece's writer; they may be used when and where deemed necessary by the writer of the piece and/or disregarded in their entirety. The reviewer releases any and all rights and/or claims to those suggestive edits should they be utilized by the writer of the piece.


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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/20/2024 @ 10:58am EDT
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