Striking a Chord [18+] Entry for Journey Through Genres contest |
Hello Emerick - The Preacher You are receiving this review of "Striking a Chord" in connection with "Game of Thrones" . Areas of Strength The story effectively conveys Wilson's internal struggle between his passion for music and his father's expectations. The reader can empathize with Wilson's dilemma, which adds depth to the narrative. For example, when Wilson's father confronts him about playing the guitar instead of focusing on baseball, the tension between their conflicting desires is palpable. Wilson's response reflects his longing to pursue his passion despite his father's disapproval. Wilson's character is well-developed, with his love for music and conflict with his father portrayed convincingly. His journey of self-discovery and following his dreams is engaging and relatable. For instance, Wilson's realization that "Music is what makes me feel alive. It's what makes me happy," highlights his growing awareness of his true desires and the courage to pursue them. The theme of pursuing one's passion and staying true to oneself is clear and impactful. It resonates with readers who may have faced similar conflicts in their own lives. This theme is effectively portrayed through Wilson's inner struggle and ultimate decision to follow his heart. His final realization that "sometimes the path to happiness isn't always the one that others expect you to take" encapsulates the central message of the story. The story's resolution is satisfying, with Wilson choosing to pursue his love for music despite the challenges. This provides a sense of closure and leaves the reader with a positive message. The final scene, where Wilson plays his guitar under the starry sky, symbolizes his newfound sense of freedom and fulfillment, leaving a lasting impact on the reader. Areas for Improvement Some of the dialogue, particularly in moments of conflict, could be further refined to feel more natural and realistic. For example, when Wilson's father confronts him about his music, phrases like "Enough of this nonsense, Wilson" and "You need to think about your future" feel a bit cliché and could be replaced with more authentic dialogue. To improve authenticity, try to imagine how real people would speak in these situations. Use more conversational language and consider the characters' personalities and emotions. While Wilson's passion for music is clear, his father's motivations and perspective could be further explored to add depth to his character. For instance, why is baseball so important to him? What fears or beliefs drive his desire for Wilson to succeed in sports? To enhance character depth, consider adding scenes or internal thoughts that reveal more about the father's background and motivations. This could help readers understand his perspective and make his interactions with Wilson more nuanced and compelling. The story could benefit from tighter pacing, especially in moments of conflict and decision-making. For example, when Wilson decides to pursue music during the championship game, the buildup to this pivotal moment could be heightened to increase tension and emotional impact. To improve pacing, consider adding more internal monologue from Wilson during key moments, such as his internal struggle before making the decision. This can help build tension and create a more engaging narrative arc. While the resolution is satisfying, it could be further developed to show the consequences of Wilson's decision and how it affects his relationship with his father. For example, the story could explore how Wilson's success in music impacts his father's perception and acceptance of his choices. To enhance the resolution, consider adding a final scene or epilogue that shows Wilson and his father reconciling or coming to a mutual understanding. This can provide a more complete and satisfying conclusion to their story arc. Overall Impression Overall, the story effectively captures the internal struggle of a young man torn between his passion for music and his father's expectations in the world of baseball. The theme of following one's heart despite external pressures is relatable and well-presented. The story's strength lies in its emotive core, highlighting Wilson's journey to self-discovery and the conflict with his father. The dialogue, particularly in moments of conflict, could be more authentic to make the characters' interactions feel more real. Additionally, further exploration of the father's motivations and perspective could add depth to his character and make his relationship with Wilson more nuanced. Tightening the pacing and heightening tension during key moments could also elevate the story's emotional impact. Lastly, while the resolution is satisfying, it could be further developed to show the consequences of Wilson's decision and how it affects his relationship with his father. Despite these areas for improvement, the story has a strong foundation with a compelling theme and relatable characters. With some refinement, particularly in dialogue and character development, the story has the potential to be even more engaging and impactful. Keep exploring the complexities of your characters' emotions and motivations, and continue to hone your storytelling skills. Well done, and keep writing! Let your imagination run wild. Set your creativity free. We are the Free Folk. And we do not kneel. DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed within this review are the sole product of the reviewer. They do not necessarily reflect those of the group, activity and/or event in which they are affiliated. Any implementation of suggested edits is at the sole discretion of the piece's writer; they may be used when and where deemed necessary by the writer of the piece and/or disregarded in their entirety. The reviewer releases any and all rights and/or claims to those suggestive edits should they be utilized by the writer of the piece. My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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