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 Review #4745819 |
 | Field Trip to Earth  [E] Pam is on a class trip to the planet Earth. Read about what her first day is like.  |
| (5.0)| This is an unofficial Game of Thrones raid from brought to you by "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" :(Cause I quit GOT on 11 April 2024, but still wanna play the game unofficially.)  Hey there, Maryann !  HAPPY 22ND WDC ANNIVERSARY from "Anniversary Reviews" !!! I need a sequel. I'm serious, I really need to read a sequel.  It's really, really good. I can't get enough of it. You got me hooked right from: I am sending this transmission to you from the wondrous Planet Earth. This written letter is so creative, so original that it really blew my mind. I don't know where it has gone to now. The vivid description you have painted, the psychology of an alien talking about the norms of planet Earth as though that was alien instead of themselves is what made this piece most brilliant. Like an alien calling us an alien? I don't expect a story structure here since it's a letter. I'm okay if there are no actual conflicts therefore or anything that should be in a story because this ain't one. No grammatical or punctuation errors spotted. Formatting is okay as your letter is readable and all the spaces are at the right places. My favourite part is when the MC and her top-scoring friends were practising how to walk on Earth. That was a fun one.  I like your description on how the vehicle felt, the vibrations. That's you demonstrating Show Vs. Tell using all five senses. I did wonder what a bunny is doing in a desert. And I Googled. There is such a thing as a desert bunny. If... let's say... if you'd want to incorporate some short story elements in your letter, with the story structure and all, then it would be nice if something went really wrong with their experience with the ice cream (or something)... like Jim Carrey-disasterous kinda spectacular catastrophic spectacle. Maybe someone accidentally bent a spoon or melt the lamp (then again that's cliche. You are more original than that). But then again, that is changing your letter altogether. It's already good. I'm just saying...  Just in case you wanna add some sort of conflict, add stakes to the MCs being found out and the danger of being discovered. Everything is going pretty fine right now which suggests a possible longer piece to satisfy your reader  . Kidding. It's just that you really nailed the characterisation bit too and made me hooked to the MC. I wanna get to know her more. Like, what does she look like? What is her original form? Where is she from? I'm dying of curiosity. But that's just me. Are we looking at a novel? I'm such a pain. I know... I'll let myself out. | 17:46 (+8 GMT  , 17 April 2024, Wednesday |CC: 2987 The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for sharing this with us and Write On! Elycia Lee ☮   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 04/17/2024 @ 10:13am EDT