GROUP

The Iron Bank of Braavos  (13+) For G.o.T. Activity #1994693 by Creeper Of The Realm

"Game of Thrones"  Hello fellow writer. My name is Sandra. I am one of the sly foxes. Title: Wounded Bird First Impression: The title of this piece intrigued me. It could have so many connotations and not all of the meanings would necessarily refer to a winged creature. This is a story about Nadia who leaves home suddenly to be with her love Eddie. Her parents are devastated , but they all eventually reunite to the wonderful news that a grandson is expected. What needs your attention: The first paragraph is confusing. The parents are searching for Nadia? There is no back story. Who is the "her" that found the note? I understand it is Nadia on the train, but then why mention at this point she would be crying nightly in the future? The second paragraph is also a confusing jumble. I suggest the following. Her father embraced her whispering assurances of unwavering love. With a knowing gaze her mother revealed they had always known her whereabouts. "I fell for Eddied." No letter 'd' needed here. I feel as if this story would benefit from more words in the form of explanations. It jumps all over the place with no clear story. The final paragraph is another jumble. You hint at a threat of some kind. The wording here is confusing as well. It is as if the ending is rushed. What I liked best: There is the beginning of a great story here. It could be a romance, or a mystery/ thriller. Who or what is frightening and stalking Nadia? Perhaps expound on her feelings as she fled on the train. Describe the reunion in more detail. I like this mysterious statement. "I had to flee. Silence was my sanctuary." This is a great tease for the reader. Overall Impression: This story is a bit rough, but it has potential. Nadia has more to reveal. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure. What does the fox say??? Listen carefully.(1951 characters) DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions in this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.