\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4747243
Review #4747243
Viewing a review of:
 distraction  Open in new Window. [E]
When you Larry to hard ;)
by Bex Author Icon
Review of distraction  Open in new Window.
Review by Jayngle Bells Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Image for Activity


This is a "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window. review!


Hello, Bex!

*Checkb*First Impression:
The use of alliteration quickly captures the reader's attention.

*Checkb*Form, Rhythm, Cadence, and Style:
The repetition of the letter d on each line creates a satisfying auditory element, while the alliteration continues within lines, creating a unified structure. It is very effective at setting the pace, creating a methodical rhythm that reflects the theme of distraction by drama and the hypnotic entanglement when you fall down rabbit holes. Even without a strict meter or form, it has a strong internal rhythm of its own.

*Checkb*Content:
This is engaging and relevant content. The rabbit hole is a well-known metaphor for becoming engrossed in something when your attention is probably best spent elsewhere, in this case, the never-ending drama that surrounds us all. You have done a good job of building one line on top of the next to create a layered resonance of the message.

*Checkb*Grammar and Mechanics:
You've chosen the minimalist approach to free verse, and I don't find it troubling, as I had no problems pausing at intervals. However, you may want to play with punctuation to see if you can drive the reader to read the poem differently, which can enhance the message and help get it across as you intended. As it is, there is always the risk it could read like disparate sentences where the full stop was forgotten (I don't think that would happen, but you never know, and I do believe punctuation has a place here).

*Checkb*Final Thoughts:
This is a thoughtful and well-written poem. With some simple enhancements, you can elevate its structure and heighten its impact even further. Its message will undoubtedly resonate with many readers.

Thank you for sharing your work with us!

Jayngle Bells Author Icon*Smile*


My approach to reviews: "I'll Explain, but not Disclaim" Open in new Window.


The views and opinions in this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and, therefore, do not necessarily reflect the group, activity, and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
   *NoteR* You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4747243