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Review #4747733
Viewing a review of:
 The Jump Open in new Window. [E]
A tale of a leap of faith....Writing prompt. Had to use the bold words
by Temperance Stone Author Icon
Review of The Jump  Open in new Window.
Review by Annette Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
A "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window. review from
The Free Folk image for G.o.T.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.


Hello Temperance Stone Author Icon

I found this item on "The Shameless "Plug" Page" Open in new Window.

First impression:

This was clearly written for a contest since you mention that you had to make certain words in bold.

What works:

The narration feels very personal and helps the reader to get immersed into the action. At the same time, the "fly on the wall" point of view is maintained throughout so that the reader doesn't feel threatened by the unfolding plot. The story is still presented in way that the reader gets to be a passive participant who can take the time to think through the words without having to work through panic or anxieties.

I agree with your (sort of) disclaimer at the bottom that this story could work for a lot of different things that require to make a leap of faith. A jump into something unknown. I did get distinctive birth giving vibes during the story, but also bungee jumping, sky diving, parachuting, starting a new career, leaving an abusive relationship. So many things that could all fit your parable here.

What needs work:

You could look for a thumbnail picture in the large library of images that was set up by the StoryMistress.

Final thoughts:

This was a nicely thought-provoking piece. It was well presented with a good size font and paragraph breaks at logical places. This made the text easy to read, which is important in an online presentation.

Annette
"The WDC Angel Army" Open in new Window.


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