"Game of Thrones"  "The Iron Bank of Braavos" 



Hi Deadly Bloom

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Two Vodkas

First Impression: Ode to Vodka's merits as a metaphor about a relationship is something I haven't read before. She has conflicted emotions same as one has after a hangover.
What needs your attention:
1. In your first line you're missing a after you're. I know you're liar but I still fall for ya. I know you're a liar.
2. The second line feels choppy. You can smooth it by simply saying. I love waking up with my phone vibrating next to my head.
3. The last line in the first stanza wants to be two lines to keep a natural feeling cadence. Try this I know it's not worth it
I should try to listen to my brain too.
By keeping them separate also reminds the reader of their own silly mistakes in life.
The last two stanzas are good as is.
It's the crazy long line in between four line stanzas that needs to be worked on because it really throws you out.
I Imagine your face because you're not here, focused on your black eyes but you don't give yourself to me and now you're in my dreams

I imagine your face
I focus on your black eyes
I feel you hold back
Even in my dreams

Just food for thought...
What part I liked best: The stanza about needing you and love what you give to me.

Overall impression: It's an interesting metaphor of a relationship with the same feeling of having two vodkas.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Bottoms up!


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .