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The Iron Bank of Braavos  (13+) For G.o.T. Activity #1994693 by Creeper Of The Realm

"Game of Thrones"  Hello fellow writer. My name is Sandra. I am one of the sly foxes. Title: A Gypsy Spins a Tale First Impression: This seems to be a young girl's discovery of people different than her family. She encounter gypsies, once in the company of her father and twice more with her mother. Ignorance and prejudices exist and the girl does not understand them. She has been taught to basically ignore, and never confront these strange people. Then she is taught by example to host their presence. Mixed messages for one so young. How frightening that the old gypsy's fortune telling proves to be true. This family is not only moving away in a hurry, they need to move to escape bloodshed and war. The fortune telling that was considered a trifling entertainment at best was a very real warning. It was more of a prophecy. What needs your attention: I would suggest shortening the long sentences. They would pack more of a punch and emphasize the action. I would also suggest placing commas before the word 'but'. "Don't take it too serious." It should be 'seriously. Unless of course this is the woman's manner of speaking. "Sarah never mentioned to Emily what else she's been told." It should be "she'd been told." "Charkas for bad luck." Do you mean 'chakras'? "Sarah's eyes widened at his words incapable to say a word." First of all, try using a different word for 'word'. It is repetitive here. It should be "incapable of speaking." :Hugging herself as if in protection" could be simply "hugging herself." The protection or self-soothing is implied and understood. What part I liked best: Emily receives and is forced to digest contradictory information about the gypsies. Protective parents would and do attempt to warn/scare their children away from uncertainty/ perceived danger. I like this story premise. People have been forced to flee wars. Overall Impression: This is a wonderful story. This family's life is about to face an upheaval. Thank you for allowing me to read your work It has been my pleasure. What does the fox say?? Listen carefully.(2106 characters) DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions in this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group , activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.