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Review #4748275
Viewing a review of:
 Two Empty Windows Open in new Window. [13+]
Exploring an existential crisis
by Erika Author Icon
Review of Two Empty Windows  Open in new Window.
Review by Jayngle Bells Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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This is a "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window. review


Hello, Erika!

*Checkb*Overall Impression:
The poem conveys a haunting feeling of detachment and disillusionment, resonating with the struggle to find meaning in everyday occurrences. Your approach is very effective at drawing the reader into the internal conflict. This is a dark but relatable poem, and you handled the content with a straightforward approach that doesn't mask the loss of self that mental illness brings.

*Checkb*Form, Rhythm, Cadence, and Style:
This is wonderful free verse. This form was likely the appropriate choice, as it allows thoughts to flow more naturally and mimics the erratic stream of consciousness associated with the narrator's despair. The irregular rhythm and cadence serve to underline the internal chaos. Overall, your poem reads well; it flows where it should and jars the reader where it must.

*Checkb*Content:
The imagery you've chosen is exceptional. "Fingers exploring tangible things," the air conditioning making joints hurt, and the glint of the wedding band provide a sense of grounding in an otherwise ungrounded story. Your word choices, such as "third-rate perception" and the meaning of the clock chiming, highlight the internal vs. external disparity. "Encased in bone" instead of the other way around starkly portrays the speaker's bleak view of human existence, emphasizing life's physical and psychological confines.

*Checkb*Grammar and Mechanics:
I have no recommendations. Your punctuation and line breaks kept the poem interesting and intriguing, forcing the reader to pause and reflect appropriately.

*Checkb*Final Thoughts:
Although it's an older piece, it still packs quite a punch. Wonderful writing. Great work.

Thank you for sharing your work with us!

Jayngle Bells Author Icon*Smile*

My approach to reviews: "I'll Explain, but not Disclaim" Open in new Window.
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