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 Review #4748286 |
 | The Long Payoff  [18+] A girl grimly takes care of her father as he once did for her.  |
  This is a "Game of Thrones" review!Hello, {huser:{user:centurymeyer35}}!  Overall Impression:The backdrop of personal tragedy mixed with a grim sense of purpose paints a complex emotional landscape. It illustrates what individuals experience with deep-rooted trauma. This is not an easy read in terms of your vivid depictions and imagery; however, you walk the line between unnecessary gore and shocking exceptionally well. Title and Description: The title effectively hints at a long-term goal and deep-seated motivation. The description is succinct and indicates the emotional stakes involved. Hook and plot:You have a strong opening hook, and the reader is immediately immersed in the story. You offer plenty of turbulent emotions and past traumas. The narrative is compelling and well-paced. You effectively build tension and explore the dark themes of retribution versus justice. Characters and dialogue:The characters are vivid within the confines of shorter pieces of writing. There was no doubt about the depth of their bond, although the reader could benefit from more insight into the psychological states. This could potentially be done through dialogue, which would avoid the pitfalls of too much narrative backstory. In addition, you've done a stellar job of ensuring the reader loathes the five men, making it all the more difficult to square their own beliefs about justice with what's happening in the story. Grammar and Mechanics:Your story is generally well-constructed. However, the beginnings of your paragraphs are not as strong as the words that follow. For example, the And/because in paragraph two and the Of course further down don't match the tone of the rest of the story. You can also drop the 'so' from "So they had stumbled on..." Final Thoughts:This is emotionally charged and challenges the reader to consider the meaning of justice in the context of unresolved trauma. Well done. Thank you for sharing your work with us! JayNaNoOhNo   My approach to reviews: "I'll Explain, but not Disclaim" The views and opinions in this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and, therefore, do not necessarily reflect the group, activity, and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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You responded to this review 06/17/2024 @ 8:00pm EDT