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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4748318
Review #4748318
Viewing a review of:
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Cabin Fever Open in new Window. [GC]
Writings from 11/02 to 3/05.
by Fivesixer Author Icon
         Review for entry/chapter: "Killing Slowly For The Sun" Open in new Window.
Review of Cabin Fever  Open in new Window.
Review by Jayngle Bells Author IconMail Icon
Rated: GC | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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This is a "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window. review!


Hello, Fivesixer!

*Checkb*Overall Impression:
This is another evocative and melancholic poem that explores longing and the paradoxical desire for change while clinging to familiar comforts. The poem beautifully captures the essence of personal conflict and emotional yearning through its vivid imagery and reflective tone.

*Checkb*Form, Rhythm, Cadence, and Style:
This poem uses the loose lyrical structure you've evolved into in your recent poetry. It flows smoothly, mimicking the ebb and flow of emotions and thoughts associated with distance and love. The rhythm is gentle, pulling the reader through the longing for warmth and companionship contrasted with the coldness of separation.

*Checkb*Content:
With the themes of distance, love, and the compromise between personal desires and shared needs, it articulates a deep yearning for connection that transcends physical environments, reflecting on how relationships adapt and survive the challenges of separation.

*Checkb*Grammar and Mechanics:
The mechanics support the lyrical quality of the poem well. One suggestion for improvement could be to clarify the line "I'll keep the snow in check just so I don't forget," which interrupts the flow slightly. It's nothing tragic, and I know you posted this way back in the 2000s. No, I wouldn't change anything if it was mine.

*Checkb*Final Thoughts:
It's a poignant offering, this time reflecting on love and compromise. The poem’s emotional depth is its strength, offering a relatable and heart-touching narrative. It could be one you consider pulling and revisiting, adding your years of experience to further explore the sensory contrasts and amplify the reader's experience. Or, you can leave it alone. :)

Thank you for sharing your work with us!

Jayngle Bells Author Icon*Smile*


My approach to reviews: "I'll Explain, but not Disclaim" Open in new Window.


The views and opinions in this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and, therefore, do not necessarily reflect the group, activity, and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/26/2024 @ 10:13pm EDT
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4748318