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Review #4748546
Viewing a review of:
 
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Scrivenings of the King-Beyond-The-Wall Open in new Window. [18+]
My Game of Thrones 2024 Workbook
by Jeff Author Icon
         Review for entry/chapter: "Tedious Citadel Task #60" Open in new Window.
Review by Jayngle Bells Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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This is a "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window. review!


Hello, Jeff!

*Checkb*Overall Impression:
This poem weaves a tapestry of resignation and nostalgia. The recurring motif of being laid down, coupled with references to emptiness and being "second hand news," paints a vivid picture of weariness and overlooked existence.

*Checkb*Form, Rhythm, Cadence, and Style:
The free works for redaction poetry, which is nearly impossible to fit into strict rhyme schemes. However, it does maintain a rhythmic quality through repetition and line breaks. The song's use of informal language and colloquial phrases enhances its relatability and emotional impact. The repetition of phrases like "Lay me down" and "I know there's nothin'" acts as an anchor, giving rhythm and a haunting quality to the narrative.

*Checkb*Content:
Thematically, the poem delves into feelings of despair and invisibility. The speaker's repeated admissions of having "nothin'" and being "second hand news" suggest a deep-seated sense of redundancy and despair. This is contrasted subtly with the longing implied in "let me miss you," suggesting a backstory filled with loss and yearning.

*Checkb*Grammar and Mechanics:
A redaction poem is challenging, but I think this could use additional punctuation to help with pace and pauses. It would refine the presentation and help the reader with the poem's flow.

*Checkb*Final Thoughts:
This is a snapshot of emotional fatigue and resignation. Its strength lies in its simplicity and the rawness of its voice. Enhancing the poem's punctuation and perhaps deepening some of the imagery could amplify its impact. Still, it is a touching expression of human vulnerability and the weariness of being seen as expendable.

Thank you for sharing your work with us!

Jayngle Bells Author Icon*Smile*

My approach to reviews: "I'll Explain, but not Disclaim" Open in new Window.


My approach to reviews: "I'll Explain, but not Disclaim" Open in new Window.


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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/28/2024 @ 1:43am EDT
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