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 Review #4748613 |
 | Ms. Carmichael  [13+] An old woman encounters a thief in her home.  |
| (4.5)  This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" ! Hi Xander Riley .I'm JACE , and I have the honor of reviewing your offering "Ms. Carmichael" . The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer, and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.  Overall Impression. Hi, I found your offering on the Read & Review feature. I noticed you joined Writing.Com just a few weeks after I did. I may re-visit your Port next month for the Anniversary Reviews.I thoroughly enjoyed reading your story. I especially liked reading from each person's point of view. That adds a nice dimension to your story. You have an easy style to your writing. You penned a tale from two different points of view and meshed them together in a nice little mystery. An elderly lady is targeted by a hood for a specific reason. Ms. Carmichael is an intelligent lady who soon realizes who her assailant is; she maintains her cool thus raising her chances of survival. The antagonist is a bit out of his element trying to find something hidden long ago. I had trouble with two parts of your story. I may have just missed the connection, but how did Larry know his sister had given the bear to Ms. Carmichael? He would have been in prison when his sister passed, and with her in a coma, how could she tell him? Would she have told him that she gave a small stuffed animal away? And how did the police know to come to Ms. Carmichael's house? What tipped them that a crime had been or was being committed there? Again, perhaps I missed some small bit. I realize Ms. Carmichael's ploy with the light. But that summoned Gretchen who came over and wound up a hostage as well.  Technical Considerations.Technically, I thought your offering was well written. I found no obvious issues with your grammar and punctuation. I especially liked using the italics to denote a characters thinking--that helped move your story along. My Rating. 4.5. Thank you for sharing your offering.
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