Hi MoonChilde .

I'm JACE , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "Invalid Item" .

I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.

  Overall Impression. Good morning, and welcome to Writing.Com. While technically this review is not an anniversary review since you joined this month, I figured it's still an April review.

I came across your offering on the Read & Review feature of the site. That features items for review of members who are online presently while offering extra gift points for completed reviews of more than 250 characters (not 250 words). It's a great way to earn some extra gift points.

And before I go on with your review, let me know if you need assistance with any aspect of the site. It's pretty complex; the best place to start is WDC's Reference Guide, "Writing.Com 101" 

Now about your offering: I enjoyed reading it. You write about choices--the paths one must choose in life as they try to survive. Life's not easy and decisions must be made. Your story is about one such person who has tried to live as best she could. I like your title, but feel your brief description could be stronger. It's there to entice your reader into your story. Even something like: Is your path right?

Offered an easier way forward, she decides to stay her course, maintaining who she is. I suspect we all want to remain true to ourselves, though that is not easy at times.

I found it interesting that you named two characters, but not your protagonist. I choose to think she represents each person individually who must decide how best to live. Thus, she might be you ... or me.

You have an easy way of writing--not too flowery, simple and easy to follow. I suspect I'll return to your Port in the future. Your dialogue was well written and flowed easily.

Since you are new permit me to offer some formatting suggestions.

Good job using a slightly larger font size while formatting your offering. WDC uses a 3.0 size as a default. While this may correspond better to the written word of a book, it's rather small for reading on a screen. Also, a lot of older members (by age, I mean) may pass by small print items. I need to go back in my own Port and enlarge the font of my older items. It just takes time. My default is Verdana 3.5.

Another suggestion is double space your paragraphs. The extra white space really helps when reading on a screen. Check out some stories and you'll see what I mean. It's an easy fix under the Advance segment in the Edit window. Just select Double under Paragraph Spacing.

Finally, if you have an item you really want reviewed, add it to "The Shameless "Plug" Page" . Or better, join a group that interests you and find a writing partner.

  Technical and Editorial Considerations. I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing here--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

          I have no issues with your grammar and punctuation. Well done.   

My Rating.  5.0. 

Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .