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Review #4757297
Viewing a review of:
 Pay it forward Open in new Window. [E]
A little boy outwits the adult
by Purple writing writing writing Author Icon
Review of Pay it forward  Open in new Window.
Review by Jayne Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
This is an "I Write in 2024" Open in new Window. review!


Hello, Purple writing writing writing! Thank you for supporting this great activity!

*Checkb*Overall Impression:
This is both heartwarming and charming. It does a lovely job of showing the spirit of "pay it forward" with an endearing child-driven interaction that is appropriately simple, honest, and believable.

*Checkb*Title and Description:
The title is fitting and sets the story's tone from the outset. The description is concise yet informative, providing just enough context to pique the reader's curiosity.

*Checkb*Hook and plot:
I'm making the assumption the words in bold are the day's required phrase for the contest. You've used them effectively to kick off a delightful little story. How much does it cost? immediately establishes a sense of curiosity and sets up the plot well. The story unfolds smoothly, with the boy's skepticism adding a layer of depth to the story and allowing for a clear narrative through the adult's explanation.

*Checkb*Characters and dialogue:
Within the short word count, the characters are well-developed and relatable. The little boy's innocence and curiosity are captured perfectly, while his skepticism and logical thinking provide a solid contrast to the adult's perspective. The dialogue feels natural and moves the story along at a steady pace.

*Checkb*Grammar and Mechanics:
This is well-written and mostly error-free. I did find this minor typo:

She's grounded on account of helping Mommy wash the kitchen for with the garden hose. --> I believe for should be floor.

*Checkb*Final Thoughts:
The story is simple but powerful. The interaction between the boy and the adult is heartwarming, and the boy's skeptical logic adds a touch of humor that should endear any reader.

Thank you for sharing your work with us!

Jayne Author Icon*Smile*

My approach to reviews: "I'll Explain, but not Disclaim" Open in new Window.



   *CheckG* You responded to this review 06/16/2024 @ 8:39pm EDT
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