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Review #4759323
Viewing a review of:
 THE AGONY OF THE CROSS Open in new Window. [18+]
A description of Jesus Christ’s last moments
by Ben Haye II Author Icon
Review by JACE Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
An Angel Army Review


Hi Ben Haye II Author Icon.

I'm JACE Author Icon, and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "THE AGONY OF THE CROSS" Open in new Window..

I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.

*Note1* Overall Impression. Good morning. I found your offering on the site's Read & Review feature. And from the subject of your essay, offering seems like a good description.

You paint a very vivid picture of how crucifixion was carried out. I can't say this information is new to me as I've researched Christ's crucifixion on my own. I almost think you should consider increasing your Item rating from 13+ to 18+ for the very graphic representation of how crucifixion was carried out.

I believe you have a typo, or at least failed to finish your final word in the Brief Description. I actually chose to read your essay because of the words "description of Jesus Christ’s last mom." I wondered about who 'mom' might be. I realized you meant 'moments.'

*Exclaim* Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

You chose to write your essay as one large paragraph making it very hard to read. I think your message gets lost to your reader because of the reading difficulty. Consider making several double-spaced paragraphs. The added white space will easier and more inviting to a reader.

*Star* My Rating.  3.5.  You have a great message in your essay. But if folks don't read it, your message is lost.

*Heart* Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.


Reviewed by
JACE

Non-Animated Angel Army Signature



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