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 Review #4762184 |
 | Driving Through The Storm  [E] A brief description of how much I enjoyed driving through the rain yesterday.  |
| (3.5)| Congratulations, spintronic! You have recently completed your ninth year in our international community of writing inspiration. The following observations are offered in the spirit of friendly camaraderie and constructive support, but they are nothing more than one person's opinions, so take them or leave them for whatever you think they may be worth. TITLE: The title is a critical element of your composition, because it is the portal through which a prospective reader must pass to enter the realm of your linguistic charm. If that entrance does not spark some sort of interest, chances are he or she will move along to the next item, or maybe even the next author. This title invites that random browser to share some of the pleasures that a storm can bring. FORM & STRUCTURE: The poet writing free verse must compensate for the lack of traditional structure by designing the title, line, stanza, and rhythm to provide the greatest impact in an efficient manner. Careful design of the word selection and arrangement, the length and density of each line, and the breakdown of stanzas must provide a natural rhythm. That is, through much toil in search of precise language, experimentation with forming lines and stanzas, and extensive revision, the poet carefully crafts a work that appears natural, authentic, and convincing to the reader. Dividing the composition into two stanzas helps to control the pace and sharpen the focus, allowing your readers to absorb each impression before moving along to the next. That long, over-extended line beginning the second stanza seems to disrupt the rhythm of the rain established throughout the rest of the composition. IMAGERY: Imagery is the lifeblood of a poem. Like a craftsman carving, molding, painting, and polishing wood, stone, clay, or some other material, the poet uses words to shape and paint pictures which present some lyrical impulse or spiritual truth. Rather than TELLING the audience about those feelings, the poet SHOWS the impressions through distinct images that project emotional overtones and associations with other images and events. In this way, the poet stirs an emotional response from the audience. The specific details selected, such as the "raindrops beat down on the windshield" and the "wipers furiously flail back and forth," transport your audience to the scene very effectively. OPPORTUNIITES FOR IMPROVEMENT: Poetry is all about compressing language to its barest essence. I believe you could sharpen the focus a bit by eliminating some of the nonessential articles "the." OVERALL IMPRESSION: No matter how accomplished someone is, there is always room for improvement; no matter how new someone is to a particular process, there are always others out there who could use your help with a little fresh perspective. We all started from the same point. A prima ballerina began her journey by taking a few faltering baby steps, falling down, getting up, and trying again. Even at the pinnacle of her career, she still practices tirelessly to continue honing her craft. You have achieved the most important step in this process by capturing your thoughts on paper before they can fly away like fireflies in the night. In that effort, you have excavated a golden nugget from the depths of your imagination. Keep polishing this nugget to maximize the effects and transform it into the magnificent jewel it can be. If you are interested in learning more about the craft of composing poetry, or merely chatting with a few like-minded wordsmiths, we would love to have you join our discussions in "The Poet's Place " group.Let the creativity flow from your soul!  Dave "The Poet's Place " * All items are rated in accordance with the guidelines provided in "Comment-In-A-Box"  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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