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 Review #4768345 |
 | Little Girl Lost  [13+] Just something I wrote when I was in agony.  |
| (5.0)    HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY!!! from "Anniversary Reviews"  Celebrating your writing this month with a review. Happy Account Anniversary EyeSingOnTheCake , The title of this poem combined with description line gave me some extra information after reading this poem that might give further context to this troubled soul, detached, possibly from oneself in self-monologue, directing attention away from this speaker's hidden feelings, while indirectly stating just that. It might be considered dramatic, as a reading audience would understand -- this is ramping up to feelings of self-pity amid the remorse. But, this is human reaction and the culmination of thought to express, and very touching for me with it frame-worked so well in narrative. While it may have directed other readers away from the speaker, this condition speaks to others who might understand. Psychologically, I think this is someone who is used to being judged for their outward appearance, repeatedly misunderstood and/or stereotyped. It makes sense to not call attention to oneself, because it would be more of the same and get the 'here we go again looks/responses'. This poem really depicts the true ignorance of unsympathetic people who have no time/ability to truly understand. Nothing to give. But moreover, this is partly a plea for understanding in this understated tone, without asking for it -- simple statements that if someone should catch on, then the speaker will know 'they get it' and it might be enough to feel safe, to not feel alone with this pain, to have expressed it to someone who might actually empathize. That could be going overboard on my part. But, I look for evidence and start with the opening two lines... "Do not mourn or pray for the girl Dream for her" It's spiritual in a sense, while rejecting Christianity, which never did this soul any good. Mourning is like pity. Who wants that? What can a prayer do? The line "Dream for her" is powerful, because she's lost hope, she needs someone to construct believable visions to integrate in a story with hope. I might be wrong for saying this, but line three is not needed, as I have inferred it. But, it does punctuate the point and it does speak to those who cannot comprehend and is trying to get there in poem. I like the next two lines that she has no tears left to cry. If I were to suggest just one word 'dry' as replacement, you can get right to the next conjoining statement, "For her eyes/are red with blood" (Blood is font red). The way the poem is constructed could sound too self-pitying to someone who might get the message -- back to that drama that others tune out. Maybe, a direct point that is blunt is what the audience needs to hear? But, just a thought. And it's not a condemnation of the statements. This is a free flowing poem full of truth and sentiment that is honest and has worth. The next few lines open some doors to the possibility there is hope... "And while it seems she has no fears she has no faith..." This goes back to the misread by others and is pretty profound, intelligent and logical in communicating to ignorant others. It's knowing to phrase it "...while it seems..." It shows emotional intelligence, as well. This is to the point of being paternal toward another to help them understand, what you see is not reality, and your judging a book by its cover. What's hopeful here is the use of the word 'faith'. That doesn't have to have religious connotation. It's right next to hope. We have a person that cannot emote what other people need to see, dry of tears, numb. Negative stereotypes come out of that about one's attitude, which is also unfair. And to land on "her pain is dear" suggests she's willing to suffer through the agony, having faith what's missing will be restored. In fact, the process of emotional pain is complex and psychologists can't truly pin it down like some five stages of whatever. I feel she really is suffering on the inside and not showing it on the outside. To acknowledge the pain is to open up to those who don't know how to properly respond. There, I feel better now. I've experienced it, too. Through a lot of years of throughput. I become monotone by 17. Definitely a reflex to anxiety that can stir up so much, being kept pinned down by 'helpful' others. and, opening up can also set one up for manipulation. But, that's another story. You navigate this poem so well with brevity and the indirectness that seems to speak more to oneself and to the air, than to really anyone. Perhaps, soliloquy? Because, if opined to someone, just one more thing they won't understand. The poem, however, is the conduit to a world of sufferers and empaths who get it. You obviously know that. Writing purges some of this, and in a construct as good as this, puts it in the proper context, forum, for fuller understanding. So, well done. I'm crying on the inside right now.  And considering one of the other poem's by you read this evening, it feels like 'suicide' if you spoke the words of someone braver. If we launch into something, we have no idea if we'll hang ourselves with our words. But, we have learned from some ventures to know that feeling. We. You.I hope I've come close enough to understanding the sentiment and output this poem intends. It's a melancholic pleasure to have considered for feedback. Sincerely, Brian WDC Anniversary and Angel Army Reviewer  ** Image ID #1061105 Unavailable ** Now back to decompressing and filling my head with late 90s sitcom binging to melt my brain.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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