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 Review #4775633 |
 | Bittersweet Devotion  [13+] A reflection on love’s dilemmas probing the weight of pride fear and emotional sacrifice  |
| (4.0)| An Angel Army Review Hi Strychnine . I'm JACE , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "Bittersweet Devotion " . I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.  Overall Impression. A couple things first. Congrats on joining Writing.Com. I hope you've found the site to your liking. It does take some time to find your way comfortably so please keep at it. When I joined I was too afraid to interact with anyone. But I did poke my nose into all the nooks and crannies that make up the site. You can see, I stayed.The other thing is I found your item on the site's Read & Review feature. That's a random item generator from members who are online at that given time. Now, to your offering. For a short piece you include a lot about which to think with respect to love and relationships. Within your short paragraph, you offer up five questions for your reader to consider. They are significant queries. Most folks who desire a relationship wonders how much they should invest and if their efforts are really being returned in kind. As a reader, I would like to see a bit about your actual feelings on the subject, more than generalities, that is. What are your views on the subject. I would consider your item a personal essay. It's okay and expected, to some extent, that you include personal feelings.  Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc. Consider being more consistent in your use of punctuation. For example, you use a semi-colon in your first sentence. Toward the end of your paragraph, you begin the sentence with the same words, yet follow it with a dash. As a reader, I find it a mite distracting. My Rating. 4.0. An above average start that needs a personal touch. Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.Reviewed by JACE    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 09/12/2024 @ 8:46pm EDT