Hello monkeydaarya

Here is a review for your "i woke up to a Sleep paralysis demon" .

Comments and Observations:

Great start! An eerie atmosphere and the terror of sleep paralysis. So unsettling, isn't it! Yet, I believe you can make it even more chilling.

First, as a strength here, I liked the images of ""black mess of a human figure" and "red eyes." They fill this reader with fear and dread. Added to it, the demon's presence works perfectly to build suspense.

I had, however, a bit of difficulty picturing this image, here, "the drum of my heart burst through my chest," Maybe you could reword it. Or maybe you could use words to imply a more immediate tension. Off the top of my head, something like, "My heart pounded in my chest, each beat echoing in my ears as if the sound alone could shatter the silence."

And I have one more suggestion. Since this is about sleep paralysis, emphasize the inability to move. Then, bring the figure on the gaming chair more to life by defining it with several more sentences and also add what his presence does to you. Even if you want to keep this piece short, elaborating more on the figure that has caused such terror would make this item a very good horror piece.

Suggestions on the text as to grammar, usage, and punctuation

In the first sentence, you need a comma after "darkness."
Also I think you need to add the article "the" here:
"blending with < the > darkness of my room,"

Best wishes with your work.



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .