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 Review #4781664 |
The Cutting Edge  [E] Who's the best Ice Skater?  |
| (4.5)| Good morning, StephBee , and I hope it finds you well. So, here I am three days into my membership, and I'm sitting down to review a moderator. Bold move for the little tadpole, what? This will be my second review, and if I'm doing it wrong then a moderator should be just the one to tell me. So, let's get started...WHY THIS STORY? I went to the Please Review forum and found this at the bottom, i.e., about to drop off, so I gave it a read. Now, I don't much care for romance, but I found here a story so self-contained it its emotional thrust that it didn't matter that it was one of those "sappy romances." This was Romeo and Juliet painted on a canvas of geopolitics, and it was very well done. It even elicited some burny eyes in this old action-horror-crime lover, and that's some good work. But this is a review, and there is one thing you do in several places that I want to point out, and I want you to understand that this is strictly my opinion. It could be a rule, but I'm not aware of it if it is. It involves "doubling up" on paragraphs. Here's an example: You write, Yuri reached out and squeezed her hand. “Sergei told me there was talk.” He paused and glanced at his coach. “He doubted you would come. You Americans are the competition after all.” I think, I just think, that a paragraph should be no more than two sections of dialogue connected by a speech tag, which would make this paragraph read: Yuri reached out and squeezed her hand. “Sergei told me there was talk.” He paused and glanced at his coach. “He doubted you would come. You Americans are the competition after all.” Am I correct about that? Can't really say. You pick up some funny ideas over a lifetime of reading and writing, and I may be as wrong as rain in the summer, but that's my opinion. Take it for what you think it's worth. Bottom line? This is a beautiful human story and very much worth reading, even if you don't like romance, and I thank you for sharing. Wishing you all the best in the future,  T.H.
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You responded to this review 10/22/2024 @ 6:17pm EDT