%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4783070 |
 | Gates to Success  [E] entry for Quotation inspiration September 2024  |
| (4.0)| "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest"  Official Judge's Review Hello St. Patrick's Sox, my name is Tiggy and I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering! Please bear in mind that my comments and suggestions are only my opinion. Other reviewers might see it differently. First Impression: I felt for both the ‘dragonslayer’ who was really a plumber, and the dragon who was a funny guy and just misunderstood. Neither of them wanted to be in this situation - well, the slayer thought he did when he was offered the reward, but then he found that he didn’t have the right qualifications for the job. The conversation between the two was funny and it made me wonder if ‘Dark’ as one of the genres was a good choice. There was a lot of humour in this tale that made both of the characters very likeable. I can see how the prompt inspired this story, but when you mentioned it early on, I would have liked to see some more details. You didn’t use the whole word limit so you could have explained why he thought that Over his lifetime he had learned from his failures. You mentioned his physical limitations, but there must have been more to the story and since that was the prompt, I think you missed a trick here by not expanding on it.  Suggestions: I liked the story but there were quite a few errors that let it down: Come to think of it the dragon only seemed slightly miffed I believe there should be a comma after “it” to set off the introductory phrase. suggestions on how I should proceed would you? Again, I think this needs a comma after “proceed”. Is there any chance that you might promise not to incinerate me if I came out from behind this rock." That’s a question so there should be a question mark at the end. Dragon seems too impolite, and hey you seems rude. I had to read that line a couple of times to work out what you were saying. I would probably put single quotation marks around ‘Dragon’, and the second “seems” should be “seem”. No the whole scheme Another missing comma, after “No”. The dragon bared it's teeth You need “its” without the apostrophe, the possessive form of “it”. "Hey me too, how am I supposed to get through that gate?" I would probably turn this into two sentences with a period instead of the comma as the two parts are not related. I think their might be You need “there” as in, a location. It cut like butter. I think the expression is “like a (hot) knife through butter”, as in, very easily. Success was fine bet he learned Just a typo, “but” instead of “bet”.  Final Thoughts: This was a fun story but like I said, I think it would have helped had you explained more about his previous failures. The readers only have a general idea how he failed and they can see how he did better on this occasion. I did like the story though, and I chuckled a few times and the exchange between the two characters.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 10/29/2024 @ 5:57pm EDT