%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4783072 |
 | Winners and Losers  [13+] Can an honest man navigate his way through a dark and broken world?  |
| (4.0)| "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest"  Official Judge's Review Hello LightinMind, my name is Tiggy and I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering! Please bear in mind that my comments and suggestions are only my opinion. Other reviewers might see it differently. First Impression: Using Bill Gates’ words for a detailed analysis of corporate culture was nicely done. The main character’s tale as an undervalued but essential IT professional was very relatable - no one ever notices the work that goes on behind the scenes but without it, the company couldn’t succeed. I liked how you contrasted the two characters, Joe and his ex-wife, and their differing values, which came across right from the start when Joe was hiding in the back while she loved the limelight. The power dynamic in the organisation came across very well, too, and again, I could completely understand Joe’s thoughts about the pompous CEO. But the main part was the conversation between Joe and Dave, who was there at the right time to pick Joe up when he was having self doubts and pointed out that not everything was as it seemed.  Suggestions: The story was well written and I only have a couple of suggestions: Good grief thought Joe to himself. You probably don’t need to say that Joe thought this. If you put “Good grief” in italics, the readers will know that those are his thoughts as they are in his head throughout the story and especially at this part where he is thinking about what kind of man the CEO was. Same again here: Am I a socialist he sniggered to himself? If you don’t want to lose the ‘sniggering’ part, you could put that in a separate sentence as an action. Am I a socialist? Joe sniggered at the thought. - or something like that.  Final Thoughts: While I felt that I got to know Joe quite well through his reflections, it did feel a bit too contemplative at times, particularly when he was comparing the company politics to military tactics. Still, I did like how he analysed the situation and I particularly liked when he thought about his own place in the hierarchy - that was the part that most readers will be able to relate to.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 12/04/2024 @ 12:25pm EST