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Review #4790322
Viewing a review of:
 The Thankful holiday  Open in new Window. [E]
A short story about my dads new holiday
by Ladybug Author Icon
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#4790322
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (2.5)
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Hallo!
I was looking for 'holiday' themed items to review, and came across this piece as an entry to "The Writer's Cramp" Open in new Window..

What I like:
1. The title and brief description work well. You could perhaps add 'Inspirational' or 'Family' as another genre.
2. There is some sense of setting the scene and evoking the emotions. One gets the feeling of family and the anticipation.
3. The idea of a 'Thankful' holiday is very appealing!

My suggestions
1. To start with, for an entry to Cramp, you need your word count in the forum post. So when you link your item, you need to include the word count there.
2. This whole piece felt more like a vignette than a short story. Maybe you'd like to include a particular incident or anecdote that actually happened, or use this holiday as a basis for fiction.
3. The first paragraph was difficult to read due to the lack of punctuation. Maybe you'd like to run it through a grammar check. One example would be the word 'Dad's' which needs a capital D and an apostrophe. Do check your brief description as well.
4. For the layout, I'd suggest using some WritingML like font, size and line-space, to make it easier on the eye.

Overall, the idea of a Thankful Holiday has a lot of potential and I'm glad I got to read this bit. Should you work more on it and wish me to re-review and re-rate, do send me an email!

Thanks for sharing and happy holiday season to you and your family.

Write 0n!
- Sonali

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