I think a couple of questions have to be covered in this part of the story. I know it's only one part, but I wanted to know why the mirror was there in the first place, and if it causes this problem in the shop all the time, why wouldn't the shopkeeper dispose of it? I would maybe just expand on that aspect a little to give some background to deepen the story.

Also, I noticed you haven't filled in the three genres. Maybe 'Horror' and 'Fantasy', but that's up to you. It just gives the reader an idea what to expect while reading a long.

I think the asterisks are for italics. If you want to use them the WritingML code is {i} at the beginning of the wording and to end it use: {/i}. Italics are usually used when someone is thinking, so this part would work in your story, *Come closer…* because she hears a voice. I know you have the asterisk throughout the story, but it might be distracting if you have too much italics everywhere. Other WritingML codes can be found here: WritingML Help